Humor Additions for March 31st, 2004

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Last night, I went with some friends out to a new restaurant ...

... and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around I saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?"

"Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired a consulting firm to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now."

I was impressed!

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.  Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies.

So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant ... That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the restroom.

By tying this string to the end of our "you know what", we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent."

"Hhmmm...After you get it out, how do you put it back?" I asked

"Well," he whispered,

"I don't know about the others... but I use the spoon."

Submitted by Ashley, Emmitsburg, Md.

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French terror alert level raised:

Reuters News Agency; Date: 03/25/2004 7:47:17 AM Pacific Standard Time

AP and UPI report that the French Government announced today that in light of the Madrid bombing, France has raised its terror alert level from "run" to "hide".

The only two higher levels in France are "collaborate" and "surrender".

Submitted by Bill, Narberth, PA.

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Little Jimmy was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the children ...

... what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up-fireman, policeman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, Jimmy was being uncharacteristically quiet, so the teacher asked him about his father.

"My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men and they put money in his underwear."

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and took little Jimmy aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father ?

"No," said Jimmy, "he works for John Kerry, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."

Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.

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So what do they wear under those kilts?

March 29th Humor Page