Humor Additions for March 29th, 2004

    My Little Sister's Jokes > Recent Addition List

New jokes posted on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
Happily maintained  by the Community of Emmitsburg, MD.

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You Might Be From A Small Town If ...
  • You can name everyone you graduated with.
  • You know what 4-H is.
  • You ever went to parties at a pasture, barn, or in the middle of a dirt road
  • You used to drag "main."
  • You said the 'f' word and your parents knew within the hour.
  • You schedule parties around the schedule of different police officers, since you know which ones would bust you and which ones wouldn't-same with the game warden.
  • You ever went cow-tipping or snipe hunting.
  • School gets canceled for state events.
  • You could never buy cigarettes because all the store clerks knew how old you were (and if you were old enough they'd tell your parents anyhow).
  • When you did find someone old enough and brave enough to buy cigarettes, you still had to go out to the country and drive on back roads to smoke them.
  • You were ever in the Homecoming parade.
  • You have ever gone home for Homecoming.
  • It was cool to date someone from the neighboring town.
  • You had senior skip day.
  • The whole school went to the same party after graduation.
  • You don't give directions by street names or directions by references.
  •  The cc golf course had only 9 holes.
  • You can't help but date a friend's ex-girlfriend.
  • Your car stays filthy because of the dirt roads, and you will never own a dark vehicle for this reason.
  • You think kids that ride skateboards are weird.
  • The town next to you is considered "trashy" or "snooty", but is actually just like your town.
  • Getting paid minimum wage is considered a raise.
  • You refer to anyone with a house newer than 1980 as the "rich people".
  • The people in the city dress funny, then you pick-up on the trend two years later.
  • You bragged to your friends because you got pipes on your truck for your birthday.
  • Anyone you want can be found at either the Dairy Queen or the feed store.
  • You see at least one friend a week driving a tractor through town.
  • Football coaches suggest that you haul hay for the summer to get stronger.
  • Directions are given using "the" stop light as a reference.
  • The city council meets at the coffee shop.
  • Your letter jacket was worn after your 19th birthday.
  • You have ever taken a trailer or dog to school on a daily basis.
  • Weekend excitement involves a trip to a Wal-Mart.
  • Even the ugly people enter beauty contest.
  • You decide to walk somewhere for exercise and 5 people pull over and ask if you need a ride.
  • Your teachers call you by your older siblings names.
  • Your teachers remember when they taught your parents.
  • You can charge at all the local stores.
  • The closest McDonald's is 45 miles away.
  • So is the closest mall.
  • It is normal to see an old man riding through town on a riding lawn mower.
  • You laugh out loud reading this because you know they're all true and forward it to everyone who lives in your town! (because you know them all!)

Submitted by Jack, of Emmitsburg, Maryland

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Asked of Librarians Dept:
  • "Do you have a list of all the books written in the English language?"
  • "I'm looking for Robert James Waller's book, 'Waltzing through Grand Rapids.'" (Actual title wanted: "Slow Waltz in Cedar Bend.")
  • "Where is the reference desk?" This was asked of a person sitting at a desk who had, hanging above her head, a sign saying "REFERENCE DESK"!
  • "Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park sites?"
  • "Do you have any books with photographs of dinosaurs?"

Submitted by Don, Hagerstown, Md.

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The next time you feel like GOD can't use you, just remember...
  • Noah was a drunk Abraham was too old
  • Isaac was a daydreamer
  • Jacob was a liar Leah was ugly
  • Joseph was abused
  • Moses had a stuttering problem
  • Gideon was afraid
  • Sampson had long hair and was a womanizer
  • Rahab was a prostitute
  • Jeremiah and Timothy were too young
  • David had an affair and was a murderer
  • Elijah was suicidal Isaiah preached naked
  • Jonah ran from God
  • Naomi was a widow
  • Job went bankrupt
  • John the Baptist ate bugs
  • Peter denied Christ
  • The Disciples fell asleep while praying
  • Martha worried about everything
  • The Samaritan woman was divorced, more than once
  • Zaccheus was too small
  • Paul was too religious
  • Timothy had an ulcer
  • AND Lazarus was dead!

Submitted by Cindy, Emmitsburg, MD.

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Irish Cat ...

March 26th Humor Page