Thanks to you sending me chain letters in
2003, this is what happened to me:
- I stopped drinking Coca Cola after
I found out that it's good for removing toilet stains.
- I stopped going to the movies for
fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS.
- I smell like a dog since I stopped
using deodorants because they cause cancer.
- I don't leave my car in the parking
lot or any other place and sometimes I even have to walk
about 7 blocks for fear that someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and try to rob me.
- I also stopped answering the phone
for fear that they ask me to dial a stupid number and then I
get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda, Singapore
- I stopped consuming several foods
for fear that the estrogens they contain may turn me gay.
- I also stopped eating chicken and
hamburgers because they are nothing more than horrible
mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers that are bred in a
lab so that places like McDonalds can sell their Big Macs.
- I also stopped drinking anything
out of a can for fear that I will get sick from the rat
feces and urine.
- I think I'm turning gay because
when I go to parties, I don't look at any girl/guy no matter
how hot she/he is, for fear that she/he will take my kidneys
and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
- I also donated all my savings to
the "Amy Bruce" account. Remember? She was a sick girl who
was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times? Amazing
girl! She's been 7 since 1993!
- I went bankrupt from bounced checks
that I wrote expecting the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL
were supposed to send me when I participated in their
special e-mail program.
- My Ericcson phone never arrived and
neither did the passes for a paid vacation to Disneyland.
But I am positive that all this is the
cause of a stinking chain that I broke or forgot to
follow and I got a curse from hell.
Submitted by Don, Hagerstown, Md.
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of Humorous Sayings, My Little
A woman called a local
"Hello. Could you
connect me to the person who gives information about
patients. I'd like to find out if a patient is getting
better, doing as expected, or getting worse."
The voice on the other end said,
"What is the patient's name and room number?"
"Sarah Finkel, room 302."
I'll connect you with the nursing
"3rd floor Nursing Station. How can I
"I'd like to know the condition of
Sarah Finkel in room 302."
"Just a moment. Let me look at her
records. Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had
two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, to be taken off
the heart monitor in a couple of hours and, if she continues
this improvement, Dr. Cohen is going to send her home Tuesday
The woman said, "What a relief! Oh,
that's fantastic... that's wonderful news!"
The nurse said, "From your
enthusiasm, I take it you are a close family member or a very
"Neither! I'm Sarah Finkel in 302!
Nobody here tells me squat!"
Submitted by Jim, Emmitsburg, MD.
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Dr. Seuss on Computers|
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on
a port, and the bus is interrupted at a very last resort, and
the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then
the socket packet pocket has an error to report.
If your cursor finds a menu item
followed by a dash, and the double-clicking icon puts your
window in the trash, and your data is corrupted cause the
index doesn't hash, then your situation's hopeless and your
system's gonna crash!
If the label on the cable on the
table at your house, says the network is connected to the
button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel to
another protocol, that's repeatedly rejected by the printer
down the hall.
And your screen is all distorted by
the side effects of gauss, so your icons in the window are as
wavy as a souse; then you may as well reboot and go out with
a bang, 'cuz sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang.
When the copy on your floppy's
getting sloppy in the disk, and the macro code instructions
is causing unnecessary risk, then you'll have to flash the
memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM, and then quickly turn
off the computer and be sure to tell your Mom
Submitted by Pat, Blue Lake, Va.
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