Humor Additions for March 22nd, 2004

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A blonde was shopping at a Target Store and came across a silver thermos.

She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and brought it over to the clerk to ask what it was.

The clerk said, "Why, that's a keeps things hot and some things cold."

"Wow, said the blonde, "that's amazing....I'm going to buy it!"

So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk. "What's that,' he asked?

"Why, that's a keeps hot things hot and cold things cold," she replied.

Her boss inquired, "What do you have in it?"

The blond replied, "Two popsicles, and some coffee."

Submitted by Debbie, Middletown, Md.

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While suturing a laceration on the hand of a 70-year-old Texas business Tycoon ...

... (whose hand had been caught in a fence while working at his country home), a doctor and the old man were talking about George Bush.

The old Tycoon said, "Well, ya know, George is a 'post turtle'." Not knowing what the old man meant, the doctor asked him what a post turtle was. The old man said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle."

The old man saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain, "You know he didn't get there by himself, he doesn't belong there, he can't get anything done while he's up there, and you just want to help the poor stupid bastard get down".

Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.

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During one of my many trips to London, I became friends with a very wealthy ...

... yet very modest, Jewish chap named Hyman Goldfarb.

On one visit, Hy told me that because of his large donations to charities through the years, the queen wanted to knight him, but he was going to turn it down.

"That's a great honor," I said. "Why would you turn it down?"

"Because during the ceremony you have to say something in Latin," he said. "And I don't wish to bother studying Latin just for that."

"So say something in Hebrew. The queen wouldn't know the difference."

"Brilliant," Hy complimented me, "but what should I say?"

Remember that question the son asks the father on the first night of Passover? ... Can you say that in Hebrew?"

"Of course," he said. "Ma nishtana ha laila hazeh.

Thank you, old sport, I shall become a knight."

At the ceremony Hy waited his turn while several of the other honorees went before the queen. Finally they called his name. He knelt before Her Majesty, she placed her sword on one shoulder and then on the other, and motioned for Hy to speak. Out came "Ma nishtana ha laila hazeh."

The queen turned to her husband and said, "Why is this knight different from all the other knights?"

Submitted by Larry, Walkersville, Md.

Editors Note: I you didn't get the point of Larry's joke, don't' worry, neither did I. After reading it, I asked Larry to explain it to me ... here is his reply ...

At the Passover seder (ritual dinner), we read the Haggadah (ritual and prayer book for Passover).  In it, the son asks the father of the family, "Why is this night different from all other nights?"  The answer involves the plagues that God brought to Egypt when Moses said, "Let my people go.", and Pharoh said, "Chuck you, Farley".  
Passover celebrates the specific night God brought his wrath to the Egyptians by slaying the first-born son of every family that did not have a mezuzah (meh-zuz-ah) on the doorposts of the house.  He "passed over" those houses that had a mezuzah because that indicated that they were Jews.
The mezuzah is still used a lot.  It is typically about 3" tall and a half-inch wide.  Inside is a copy of the 10 commandments.  You'll see it on the doorposts of Jewish homes, emples, and often as a necklace pendant (just like Christians wear crosses).
The son's question, asked in Hebrew,  is "Ma nishtana ha laila hazeh", "Why is this night different from all other nights?".  The pun comes from the Queen asking why this knight talked in a language she didn't know.

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