A blonde was shopping at a
Target Store and came across a silver thermos.
She was quite
fascinated by it, so she picked it up and brought it over to
the clerk to ask what it was.
The clerk said, "Why, that's a
thermos.....it keeps things hot and some things cold."
"Wow, said the blonde, "that's
amazing....I'm going to buy it!"
So she bought the thermos and took it
to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk. "What's
that,' he asked?
"Why, that's a thermos.....it keeps
hot things hot and cold things cold," she replied.
Her boss inquired, "What do you have
The blond replied, "Two popsicles, and
Submitted by Debbie, Middletown,
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While suturing a laceration on
the hand of a 70-year-old Texas business Tycoon ...|
(whose hand had been caught in a fence
while working at his country home), a doctor and the old man
were talking about George Bush.
The old Tycoon said, "Well, ya know,
George is a 'post turtle'." Not knowing what the old man
meant, the doctor asked him what a post turtle was. The old
man said, "When you're driving down a country road and you
come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's
a post turtle."
The old man saw a puzzled look on the
doctor's face, so he continued to explain, "You know he didn't
get there by himself, he doesn't belong there, he can't get
anything done while he's up there, and you just want to help
the poor stupid bastard get down".
Submitted by Dick, Williamsport,
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During one of my many trips to London, I
became friends with a very wealthy ...|
yet very modest, Jewish chap named Hyman Goldfarb.
On one visit, Hy told me that because
of his large donations to charities through the years, the
queen wanted to knight him, but he was going to turn it down.
"That's a great honor," I said. "Why
would you turn it down?"
"Because during the ceremony you have
to say something in Latin," he said. "And I don't wish to
bother studying Latin just for that."
"So say something in Hebrew. The
queen wouldn't know the difference."
"Brilliant," Hy complimented me, "but
what should I say?"
Remember that question the son asks
the father on the first night of Passover? ... Can you say
that in Hebrew?"
"Of course," he said. "Ma nishtana ha
Thank you, old sport, I shall become
At the ceremony Hy waited his turn
while several of the other honorees went before the queen.
Finally they called his name. He knelt before Her Majesty,
she placed her sword on one shoulder and then on the other,
and motioned for Hy to speak. Out came "Ma nishtana ha laila
The queen turned to her husband and
said, "Why is this knight different from all the other
Submitted by Larry,
Editors Note: I you
didn't get the point of Larry's joke, don't' worry, neither
did I. After reading it, I asked Larry to explain it to me
... here is his reply ...
At the Passover seder
(ritual dinner), we read the Haggadah (ritual and prayer
book for Passover). In it, the son asks the father of
the family, "Why is this night different from all other
nights?" The answer involves the plagues that God
brought to Egypt when Moses said, "Let my people go.",
and Pharoh said, "Chuck you, Farley".
the specific night God brought his wrath to the Egyptians
by slaying the first-born son of every family that did
not have a mezuzah (meh-zuz-ah) on the doorposts of the
house. He "passed over" those houses that had a mezuzah
because that indicated that they were Jews.
The mezuzah is still used a
lot. It is typically about 3" tall and a half-inch
wide. Inside is a copy of the 10 commandments. You'll
see it on the doorposts of Jewish homes, emples, and
often as a necklace pendant (just like Christians wear
The son's question,
asked in Hebrew, is "Ma nishtana ha laila hazeh", "Why
is this night different from all other nights?". The pun
comes from the Queen asking why this knight
talked in a language she didn't know.
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