Why they don't bungee jump in Mexico
Al and Joe are bungee-jumping one day.
Al says to Joe, "You know, we could make a lot of money
running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico. They don't
have it there."
Joe thinks this is a great idea, so
they pool their money and buy everything they'll need: a
tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.
They travel to Mexico and begin to set
up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd
begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to
watch them at work. When they had finished, there was such a
crowd they thought it would be a good idea to give a
So Al jumps. He bounces at the end of
the cord, but when he comes back up Joe notices that he has a
few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, Joe isn't able to catch
him, and he falls again, bounces and comes back up again. This
time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again Joe misses him.
Al falls again and bounces back up.
This time he comes back pretty messed up: he's got a couple of
broken bones and the cuts and scratches have become deep
gashes. His whole body is bruised, and he is barely conscious.
Luckily, Joe finally catches him this
time and says, "What the hell happened? Was the cord too
Barely able to speak, Al gasps, "No
the bungee cord was fine. It was the crowd. What the hell is a
Submitted by Don,
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Actual letter sent to a bank.
I am writing to thank you for
bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber
last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have
elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival of
the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the
automatic monthly deposit of my entire salary... an
arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only 8
You are to be commended for seizing
that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my
account $50 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to
My thankfulness springs from the
manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my
errant financial ways. I noticed whereas I personally attend
to your telephone calls and letters, that when I try to
contact you I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging,
prerecorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. From
now on I, like you, choose to deal only with a
My mortgage and loan repayments will,
therefore and hereafter, no longer be automatic, but will
arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and
confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must
nominate. Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act
for any other person to open such an envelope.
Please find attached an Application
Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to
complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order
that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about
me, there is no alternative.
Please note that all copies of his or
her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public,
and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation
(income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied
by documented proof. In due course I will issue your employee
with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with
me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but,
again, I have modeled it after the number of button presses
required to access my account balance on your phone banking
As they say, imitation is the
sincerest form of flattery. Let me level the playing field
even further. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy
wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.
Press buttons as follows:
- To make an appointment to see me.
- To query a missing payment.
- To transfer the call to my living
room in case I am there.
- To transfer the call to my bedroom
in case I am sleeping.
- To transfer the call to my toilet
in case I am attending to nature.
- To transfer the call to my mobile
phone if I am not at home.
- To leave a message on my computer,
a password to access my computer is required. Password will
be communicated at a later date.
- To return to the main menu and to
listen to options 1 through 7.
- To make a general complaint or
The contact will then be put on hold,
pending the attention of my automated answering service.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also
levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new
arrangement. May I, however, wish you a happy, if
ever-so-slightly less, prosperous day.
Your humble client, Judy
Submitted by Bill, Narberth, Pa.
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about Work, My
Little Sister's Jokes,
preacher was making his rounds to his parishioners on a bicycle .
. . . when he came upon a little boy
trying to sell a lawnmower.
"How much do you want for the
mower?" asked the preacher.
"I'm just trying to make enough money
to buy a bicycle," said the little boy.
After a moment of consideration, the
preacher asked, "Will you take my bike in trade for it?"
The boy said, "You got a deal."
The preacher took the mower and tried to
crank it. He pulled on the string a few times with no response
from the mower.
The preacher called the little boy over
and said, "I can't get this mower to start."
The little boy said, "That's 'cause
you have to cuss at it to get it started."
The preacher said, "I'm a minister,
and I can't cuss. It's been so long since I've been saved that I
don't know if I even remember how to cuss."
The little boy looked at him happily and
said, "Just keep pulling on that string. It'll come back to
Submitted by Marianne, Columbia, Md.
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