News Headlines for the
Read news headlines for 2035
- Ozone created by electric cars now
killing millions in the seventh largest country of the world,
- Spotted Owl plague threatens
northwestern United States crops and livestock.
- Baby conceived naturally...
- Couple petitions court to reinstate
- Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim
dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly
known as Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria, and Lebanon).
- France pleads for global help after
being overtaken by Jamaica. Castro finally dies at age 112;
Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President
Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
- George Z. Bush says he will run for
President in 2036.
- 85 year study: Diet and Exercise is
the key to weight loss.
- Massachusetts executes last remaining
- Average height of NBA players now
nine feet, seven inches.
- New federal law requires that all
nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters, and rolled up
newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
- Florida Democrats still don't know
how to use a Voting Machine.
Submitted by Don, Hagerstown, Md.
"Late again," the third-grade
teacher said to little Sammy.
"It ain't my fault, Miss
Crabtree. You can blame this on my dad. The reason I'm three hours
late? Dad sleeps nights in the raw!"
Now Miss Crabtree had taught grammar
school for thirty-some-odd years. So she asked little Sammy what
he meant by that, despite her mounting fears.
Full of grins and mischief, and in the
flower of his youth, little Sammy and trouble were old friends,
but he always told the truth. "You see, Miss Crabtree, at the
ranch we got this here lowdown coyote.
The last few nights HE done et six hens
and killed Ma's best milk goat. And last night, when Dad heard a
noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his gun and said to Ma,
'That coyote's back again, I'm a gonna git him!'"
"'Stay back, he yelled to all us kids, I
wouldn't want ya hurt!' He was naked as a jaybird, no boots, no
pants, no shirt! To the henhouse he crawled, just like an Injun on
the snoop. Then he stuck that double barrel through the window of
As he stared into the darkness, with
coyotes on his mind, our old hound dog Zeke had done woke up and
come asneakin' up behind Dad. Then we all looked on, plumb
helpless as Dad was cold-nosed without warnin'."
"Miss Crabtree, we been cleanin' chickens
since three o'clock this mornin'!"
Submitted by Dave, Bolder, Co
A Sunday School teacher
asked her children if
anyone could quote the entire 23rd Psalm.
A golden-haired, four-and-a-half-year-old
girl was among those who raised their hands. A bit skeptical, the
teacher asked if she could really quote the entire psalm.
The little girl came to the front of the
room, faced the class, made a perky little bow, and said, "The
Lord is my shepherd, that's all I want."
She bowed again and went and sat down.
That may well be the greatest
interpretation of the 23rd Psalm ever heard.