An elderly lady phoned her
telephone company to report that her telephone failed to ring ...
when her friends called - and
that on the few occasions when it did ring, her pet dog always
moaned right before the phone rang. The telephone repairman
proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile
He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked
in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone
didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned loudly and the
telephone began to ring.
Climbing down from the pole, the telephone
- The dog was tied to the telephone
system's ground wire via a steel chain and collar.
- The wire connection to the ground rod
- The dog was receiving 90 volts of
signaling current when the phone number was called.
- After a couple of such jolts, the dog
would start moaning and then urinate on himself and the ground.
- The wet ground would complete the
circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.
Which demonstrates that some problems CAN
be fixed by pissing and moaning.
Submitted by Bill, Narberth, Pa.
Return to: Top
List of Funny
Stories, My Little
Retirement - Through the
eyes of a child
After Christmas, a teacher asked her
young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school. One
child wrote the following:
We always used to spend the holidays
with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house
but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Arizona. Now they
live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like
grass. They ride around on their golf carts and wear name tags
because they don't know who they are anymore. They go to a
building called a wrecked center, but they must have got it
fixed because it is all okay now.They play games and do
exercises there, but they don't do them very well.
There is a swimming pool too, but in it,
they all jump up and down with hats on, while they talk to each
other. I guess they don't know how to swim. At their gate, there
is a dollhouse with a little old man sitting in it. He watches
all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out. They go
cruising in their golf carts.
Nobody there cooks, they just eat out.
And, they eat the same thing every night------ --- early birds.
Some of the people can't get out past the man in the dollhouse.
The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center
and call it pot luck.
My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all
his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I
can be retarded someday too. When I earn my retardment, I want
to be the man in the dollhouse. Then I will let people out so
they can visit their grandchildren.
Return to: Top
of Page, List of Cute Kids
Sayings, My Little
A woman awakes during the night
to find that her husband was not in their bed.
She puts on her robe and
goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the
kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears
to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he
wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as
she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of
The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do
you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only
16?" he asks solemnly. The wife is touched to tears thinking that
her husband is so caring sensitive.
"Yes I do" she replies.
The husband paused. The words were not
coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the
back seat of my car?"
"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering
herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continued... "Do you remember
when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry
my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'"
"I remember that too" she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and
said.... "I would have gotten out today."
Submitted by Debbie, Middletown, Md.
Return to: Top
of Page, List of
Jokes About Marriage, My Little
28th Humor Page