Humor Additions for July 5th, 2004

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A young boy had just gotten his driving permit.

He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut, then we will talk about it."

A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said, "Son, I'm real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your Bible diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut!"

The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that. I've read in the Bible that Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair."

His father replied, "Yes, Son, and if you read on further you'll find out that they walked everywhere they went!"

Submitted by Bill, Narberth, Pa.

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How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb?
  • Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
  • Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
  • Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
  • Rottweiler: Make me
  • Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
  • Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
  • German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
  • Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
  • Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb?
  • Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
  • Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
  • Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there .
  • Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
  • Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle ....
  • Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

The Cat's Answer: "Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?"

Submitted by Debbie, Middletown, Md.

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A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop.

The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK old guy, time for you to retire." The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?"

The young rooster says, "Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over." The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop."

The young rooster laughs. "You know you don't stand a chance old man. So, just to be fair I will give you a head start." The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is already about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.

The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. He grabs his shotgun and - BOOM - He blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, "Dammit... third gay rooster I bought this month."

Moral of this story.... Don't mess with the Old Folks - age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill!

Submitted by Vicki, Downingtown, Pa.

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