Humor Additions for July 19th, 2004

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A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary ...

... . Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town, "What a peaceful and loving couple."

A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's mule stumbled. My wife quietly said, 'That's once.'

We proceeded a little further and the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, 'That's twice.'

We hadn't gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled the third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the mule dead.

I started an angry protest over her treatment of the mule, when she looked at me, and quietly said, 'That's once.'

And we lived happily ever after."

Submitted by Debbie, Middletown, MD.

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Real messages seen on church billboards ...
  • CHURCH CAR PARK - FOR MEMBERS ONLY Trespassers will be baptized!
  • "No God - No Peace. Know God - Know Peace."
  • "Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!"
  • "Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin Robbins."
  • "Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!"
  • An ad for one Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads, "For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets."
  • When the restaurant next to another Church put out a big sign with red letters that said,
  • "Open Sundays," the church reciprocated with its own message: "We are open on Sundays, too."
  • "People are like tea bags -- you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are."
  • "Fight truth decay -- study the Bible daily."
  • "How will you spend eternity - Smoking or Nonsmoking?"
  • "Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives"
  • "Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world."
  • "It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of sin."
  • "Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church."
  • "If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns."
  • "If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again."
  • "Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon."
  • "This is a ch_ _ ch. What is missing?"(U R)
  • "In the dark? Follow the Son."
  • "Running low on faith? Step in for a fill-up."
  • "If you can't sleep, don't count sheep Talk to the Shepherd."

Submitted by Pat, Blue Lake, Va,

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Things you don't see very often ... take 2

July 16th Humor Page