staggered home late after another
evening with his drinking buddies.
Shoes in left
hand to avoid waking his wife, he
tiptoed as quietly as he could toward
the stairs leading to their upstairs
bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step
in the darkened entryway. As he caught
himself by grabbing the banister, his
body swung around and he landed
heavily on his rump.
bottle in each back pocket broke and
made the landing especially painful.
Managing to suppress a yelp, he sprung
up, pulled down his pants and examined
his lacerated and bleeding cheeks in
the mirror of a nearby darkened
hallway, then managed to find a large
full box of band aids before
proceeding to place a patch as best he
could on each place he saw blood.
After hiding the now almost empty box,
he managed to shuffle and stumble his
way to bed.
awakens with screaming pain in head
and butt to find his wife staring at
him from across the room, and hears
her say: "You were drunk again last
himself to ignore his agony, he looked
meekly at her and replied: "Now Hon,
why would you say such a mean thing?"
said, "there is the front door left
open, the glass at the bottom of the
stairs, the drops of blood trailing
through the house, and your bloodshot
eyes but, mostly....it's all those
band aids stuck on the downstairs
Debbie, Middletown, Md
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Redneck Jokes, My Little
Some reflections on aging:
- Eventually you will
reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start
bragging about it.
- The older we get, the fewer things seem
worth waiting in line for.
- Some people try to turn back their
odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way.
I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
- How old would you be if you didn't know
how old you are?
- When you are dissatisfied and would
like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
- You know you are getting old when
everything either dries up or leaks.
- I don't know how I got over the hill
without getting to the top.
- One of the many things no one tells you
about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
- Ah, being young is beautiful, but being
old is comfortable.
- Old age is when former classmates are
so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.
- If you don't learn to laugh at trouble,
you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.
- First you forget names, then you forget
faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It's worse when
you forget to pull it down.
- Long ago when men cursed and beat the
ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft... Today, it's
Submitted by Dolly, Myersville, Md.
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About Aging, My Little
No wonder the idealists get
- Suppose you were an idiot, and
suppose you were a member of of Congress -- but I repeat myself.
-- Mark Twain
- We contend that for a nation to try to
tax itself into prospe rity is like a man standing in a bucket
and trying to lift himself up by the handle. --Winston Churchill
- A government which robs Peter to pay
Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. --George Bernard
- A liberal is someone who feels a great
debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with
your money. -- G. Gordon Liddy
- Democracy must be something more than
two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.
--James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)
- Foreign aid might be defined as a
transfer from poor people in rich countries to rich people in
poor countries. --Douglas Casey, Classmate of W. J. Clinton at
Georgetown U. (1992)
- Giving money and power to government is
like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. --P.J.
O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian
- Government is the great fiction,
through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of
everybody else. --Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850)
- Government's view of the economy could
be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it
keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.
-- Ronald Reagan (1986)
- I don't make jokes. I just watch the
government and report the facts. --Will Rogers
- If you think health care is expensive
now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. --P.J.
- If you want government to intervene
domestically, you're a liberal. If you want government to
intervene overseas, you're a conservative. If you want
government to intervene everywhere, you're a moderate. If you
don't want government to intervene anywhere, you're an
extremist. --Joseph Sobran, Editor of the National Review at one
- In general, the art of government
consists in taking as much money as possible from one party of
the citizens to give to the other. --Voltaire (1 764)
- Just because you do not take an
interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an
interest in you. --Pericles (430 B.C.)
- No man's life, liberty, or property are
safe while the legislature is in session. --Mark Twain (1866)
- Talk is cheap-except when Congress does
- The government is like a baby's
alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no
responsibility at the other. --Ronald Reagan
- The inherent vice of capitalism is the
unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of
socialism is the equal sharing of misery. --Winston Churchill
- The only difference between a tax man
and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.
- The ultimate result of shielding men
from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.
--Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)
- There is no distinctly native American
criminal class save Congress. --Mark Twain
- What this country needs are more
unemployed politicians. -- Edward Langley, Artist 1928-1995
Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, MD.
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Why people live in Florida ...
26rd Humor Page