Humor Additions for Jan 14th, 2004

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A farmer got in his pickup and drove several miles to a neighboring farm ...

and knocked on the farmhouse door. A young boy, about 12, opened the door.

"Is yer pa home?" he asked.

"No sir, he sure ain't," the boy replied. "He went to town."

"Well," said the farmer. "Is yer ma home?"

"No, she ain't here either. She went to town with pa."

"Well, then, how about yer brother, Joe, is he here?"

"No sir, he went with pa and ma."

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself.

"Is there anything I kin do fer ya'?" inquired the young boy politely. "I know where all the tools are, if you want to borry one; Or maybe I could take a message fer pa."

Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to yer pa. It's about your brother Joe getting my daughter, Pearly Mae, pregnant."

The boy considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to pa about that," he finally conceded. "I know that pa charges $50 for the bull and $25 for the boar hog, but I really don't know how much he gets for Joe."

Submitted by Bill, Narberth, Pa.

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Best interesting t-shirts observed at the Ocean City, Maryland beach in the summer of 2003.

  • I childproofed my house, but they still get in.
  • On the front- 60 is not old. On the back- If you're a tree.
  • I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes.
  • At my age, "getting lucky" means finding my car in the parking lot.
  • My reality check just bounced.
  • Life is short, make fun of it.
  • I'm not 50. I'm $49.95 plus tax.
  • Annapolis--A drinking town with a sailing problem.
  • I need somebody bad. Are you bad?
  • Physically pffffffft!
  • Buckle up. It makes it harder for the aliens to snatch you from your car.
  • I'm not a snob. I'm just better than you are.
  • It's my cat's world. I'm just here to open cans.
  • Earth is the insane asylum of the universe.
  • Keep staring....I may do a trick.
  • We got rid of the kids. The cat was allergic.
  • Dangerously under-medicated.
  • My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash, and it's gone.
  • Every time I hear the word "exercise", I wash my mouth out with0 chocolate.
  • Cats regard people as warm-blooded furnitute.
  • Live your life so that when you die, the preacher will not have to tell lies at your funeral.
  • In God we trust. All others we polygraph.

Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.

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One man exclaimed to his friend, "I just had another fight with my wife!"

"Oh, yeah?" the friend said. "And how did this one end?"

"When it was over," he replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees."

His friend looked puzzled. "Really? Now that's a switch! What did she say?"

"I think she said something like, 'Come out from under that bed, you gutless weasel.'"

Submitted by Don, Hagerstown, Md.

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Honey ... I lost my job today ... Take 3

Jan 12th Humor Page