morning after she woke up from
sleeping all night, a woman told her
just dreamed that you gave me a pearl
necklace for our anniversary today.
What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight." he replied.
evening, the man came home with a
small package and gave it to his wife.
Delighted, she opened it to find a
book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams."
Submitted by Bill, Narberth, Pa.
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Damned If You Do or Don't
- If you put a woman on a
pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male
chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework, you're a
- If you work too hard, there is
never any time for her. If you don't work enough, you're a
- If she has a boring repetitive
job with low pay, this is exploitation. If you have a boring
repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your ass and
find something better.
- If you get a promotion ahead
of her, that is favouritism. If she gets a job ahead of you,
it's equal opportunity.
- If you mention how nice she
looks, it's sexual harassment. If you keep quiet, it's male
- If you cry, you're a wimp. If
you don't, you're an insensitive bastard.
- If you thump her, it's wife
bashing. If she thumps you, it's self-defense.
- If you make a decision without
consulting her, you're a chauvinist. If she makes a decision
without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.
- If you ask her to do something
she doesn't enjoy, that's domination. If she asks you, it's a
- If you appreciate the female
form and frilly underwear, you're a pervert. If you don't,
you're a fag.
- If you like a woman to shave
her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist. If you don't, you're
- If you try to keep yourself in
shape, you're vain. If you don't, you're a slob.
- If you buy her flowers, you're
after something. If you don't, you're not thoughtful.
- If you're proud of your
achievements, you're up on yourself. If you don't, you're not
- If she has a headache, she's
tired. If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.
- If you want it too often,
you're oversexed. If you don't, there must be someone else.
No wonder men die before women!
Submitted by Tom,
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Jokes About Marriage, My Little
Did you ever wonder . . .
- If you choke a Smurf, what
color does it turn?
- Is it OK to use the AM radio
- What do chickens think we
- What do you call a male
- What hair color do they put
on the driver's license of a bald man?
- When dog food is new and
improved tasting, who tests it?
- Why didn't Noah swat those
- Why do you need a driver's
license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
- Why isn't phonetic spelled
the way it sounds?
- Why are there Interstates in
- Why are there flotation
devices in the seats of planes instead of parachutes?
- Have you ever imagined a
world without hypothetical situations?
- How does the guy who drives
the snowplow get to work?
- Why is a bra singular and
- If a firefighter fights fire
and a crime fighter fights crime, what does a freedom
- If they squeeze olives to
get olive oil, how do they get baby oil?
- If a cow laughs, does milk
come out of her nose?
- If you are driving at the
speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what
- Why do they put Braille dots
on the keypad of a drive-up ATM?
- Why is it that when you
transport something by car it is called shipment, but when
you transport something by ship it's called cargo?
- Why don't sheep shrink when
- What would Geronimo say if
he jumped out of an airplane?
- Why are they called
apartments when they are all stuck together?
- If con is the opposite of
pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
Submitted by Kevin, Dallas,
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Honey ... I lost my job today ... Take
9th Humor Page