Letter from a
Farm Kid . . . Now at San Diego Marine
Corps Recruit Depot
Dear Ma and
I am well.
Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and
Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats
working for old man Minch by a mile.
Tell them to join up quick before
maybe all of the places are filled. I
was restless at first because you got
to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but
am getting so I like to sleep late.
Tell Walt and
Elmer all you do before breakfast is
smooth your cot and shine some things.
No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash
to mix, wood to split, fire to lay.
Practically nothing. Men got to shave
but it is not so bad, there's warm
strong on trimmings like fruit juice,
cereal, eggs, bacon,etc.,but kind of
weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak,
fried eggplant, pie and other regular
food. But tell Walt and Elmer you can
always sit by the two city boys that
live on coffee. Their food plus yours
holds you till noon when you get fed
again. It's no wonder these city boys
can't walk much.
We go on
"route" marches, which the Platoon
Sergeant says are long walks to harden
us. If he thinks so, it is not my
place to tell him different. A "route
march" is about as far as to our
mailbox at home. Then the city guys
get sore feet and we all ride back in
trucks. The country is nice, but awful
is like a schoolteacher. He nags some.
The Capt. is like the school board.
Majors and Colonels just ride around
and frown. They don't bother you none.
This next will kill Walt and Elmer
with laughing. I keep getting medals
for shooting. I don't know why. The
bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk
head and don't move. And it ain't
shooting at you, like the Higgett boys
at home. All you got to do is lie
there all comfortable and hit it. You
don't even load your own cartridges.
They come in boxes.
Then we have
what they call hand-to-hand combat
training. You get to wrestle with them
city boys. I have to be real careful
though, they break real easy. It ain't
like fighting with that ole bull at
home. I'm about the best they got in
this except for that Tug Jordan from
over in Silver Lake. He joined up the
same time as me. But I'm only 5'6" and
130 pounds and he's 6'8" and weighs
near 300 pounds dry.
Be sure to
tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join
before other fellers get onto this
setup and come stampeding in.
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Redneck Jokes, My Little
Uses for Vodka ... other then
- To remove a bandage painlessly,
saturate the bandage with vodka. The solvent dissolves the
- To clean the caulking around bathtubs
and showers, fill a trigger- spray bottle with vodka, spray the
caulking, let set five minutes and wash clean. The alcohol in
the vodka kills mold and mildew.
- To clean your eyeglasses, simply wipe
the lenses with a soft, clean cloth dampened with vodka. The
alcohol in the vodka cleans the glass and kills germs.
- Prolong the life of razors by filling a
cup with vodka and letting your safety razor blade soak in the
alcohol after shaving. The vodka disinfects the blade and
- Spray vodka on vomit stains, scrub with
a brush, then blot dry.
- Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to
your face as an astringent to cleanse the skin and tighten
- Add a jigger of vodka to a 12-ounce
bottle of shampoo. The alcohol cleanses the scalp, removes
toxins from hair, and stimulates the growth of healthy hair.
- Fill a sixteen-ounce trigger-spray
bottle and spray bees or wasps to kill them.
- Pour one-half cup vodka and one-half
cup water in a Ziplock freezer bag, and freeze for a slushy,
refreshable ice pack for aches, pain, or black eyes.
- Fill a clean, used mayonnaise jar
with freshly packed lavender flowers, fill the jar with vodka,
seal the lid tightly and set in the sun for three days. Strain
liquid through a coffee filter, then apply the tincture to aches
- Make your own mouthwash by mixing nine
tablespoons powdered cinnamon with one cup vodka. Seal in an
airtight container for two weeks. Strain through a coffee
filter. Mix with warm water and rinse your mouth. Don't swallow.
- Using a q-tip, apply vodka to a cold
sore to help it dry out.
- If a blister opens, pour vodka
over the raw skin as a local anesthetic that also disinfects the
- To treat dandruff, mix one cup vodka
with two teaspoons crushed rosemary, let sit for two days,
strain through a coffee filter and massage into your scalp and
- To treat an earache put a few drops of
vodka in your ear. Let set for a few minutes. Then drain. The
vodka will kill the bacteria that is causing pain in your ear.
- To relieve a fever, use a washcloth to
rub vodka on your chest and back as a liniment.
- To cure foot odor, wash your feet with
- Vodka will disinfect and alleviate a
- Pour vodka over an area affected with
poison ivy to remove the urushiol oil from your skin.
- Swish a shot of vodka over an
aching tooth. Allow your gums to absorb some of the alcohol to
numb the pain
Submitted by Al, Seattle, Wa.
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A minister was asked to dinner by one of his
... who he knew as
being an unkempt housekeeper. When he sat down at the table, he
noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever seen in
his life. "Were these dishes ever washed?" he asked his hostess,
running his fingers over the grit and grime.
She replied, "They're as clean as soap and
water could get them."
He felt a bit apprehensive but blessed the
food anyway and started eating. It was really delicious and he
said so, despite the dirty dishes. When dinner was over, the
hostess took the dishes outside and yelled, "Here Soap! Here
Submitted by Debbie, Middletown,
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