Humor Additions for February 11th, 2004

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A very proper lady was planning a camping vacation for her Baptist Church group ...

She wrote to a campground for reservations. She wanted to make sure that the campground was fully equipped and modern, but couldn't bring herself to write the word "toilet" in her letter.

So, she decided on the old-fashioned term "Bathroom Commode." Once written down she still was not comfortable. Finally she decided on the abbreviation "B.C." and wrote, "does your campground have its own "B.C.?"

When the campground owner received the letter, he couldn't figure out what she meant by "B.C." He showed it to several of the campers, one of whom suggested the lady was obviously referring to a Baptist Church since there was a letterhead on the paper which referred to a Baptist Church.

So he sent this reply.

Dear Madam:

The B.C. is located nine miles from the camp ground in a beautiful grove of trees. I admit it is quite a distance if you are in the habit of going regularly. No doubt you will be pleased to know that it will seat 350 people at one time, and it is open on Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday of each week. Some folks like to take their lunch and make a day of it.

The acoustics are very good, so everyone can hear even the quietest passages. It may interest you to know that my daughter met her husband there. We are also having a fund-raiser to purchase new seats, as the old ones have holes in them.

Unfortunately my wife is ill and has not been able to attend regularly. It's been a good six months since she last went. It pains her very much not to be able to go more often. As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort, especially in cold weather.

Perhaps I could accompany you the first time you go, sit with you, and introduce you to all the other folks who will be there. I look forward to your visit.

We offer a very friendly campground.

Submitted by Dick, Williamsport. Md.

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Back in the 70s, intelligence units in Northern Ireland were issued exploding briefcases ...

... to carry sensitive documents. These briefcases were lined with oxygen bricks. To arm the case, one simply removed a small pin next to the handle of the case. Thus armed, an opened case would instantly combust, destroying everything within a meter of it.
Because there was a half-second delay before the bricks ignited, the lids were designed to stop on a spring catch, so that no document could be rescued or photographed before it was destroyed.

To open the case safely, therefore, the sequence was:

  1. Make sure the arming pin is in place.
  2. Open the case.
  3. Using a thin object such as a ruler, push back the spring catch.
  4. The case will now open.

I won't embarrass the unit or the blonde female Lance Corporal involved by naming names, but in this particular case, the sequence went as follows:

  1. Make sure the arming pin is in place.
  2. Open the case.
  3. Look for a small thin object to push back the catch.
  4. Find none immediately available.
  5. Notice that the arming pin is a small thin object.
  6. Use the arming pin to push back the catch.
  7. Kiss one "intelligence" unit goodbye.

Submitted by Bill, Narberth, Pa.

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Boudreaux and Thibodeaux worked together and both were laid off ...

... so they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, Boudreaux answered, "Panty Stitcher. I se da elastic onto ladies' cotton panties.

The clerk looked up Panty Stitcher. Finding it classified as "unskilled" labour", she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.

Thibodeaux was asked his occupation. "Diesel Fitter," he replied. Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Thibodeaux $600 a week.

When Boudreaux found out he was furious. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and coworker was collecting double his pay.

The clerk explained, "Panty stitchers are unskilled and diesel fitters are skilled labour."

"What skill?" yelled Boudreaux. "I sew the elastic on da panties, Thibodeaux puts dem over his head and says: Yeah, diesel fitter."

Submitted by Debbie, Middletown, Md.

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