Humor Additions for December 22nd 2004

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'Twas the Night Before Christmas Brooklyn Version

'Twas the night before Christmas, Da whole house was mellow,
Not a creature was stirrin', I had a gun unda my pillow.
When up on da roof I heard somethin' pound,
I sprung to da window, To scream, "YO! Keep it down!"

When what to my Wanderin' eyes should appear,
But dat hairy elf Vinny, and eight friggin' reindeer.
Wit' a bad hackin' cough, And da stencha burped beer,
I knew in a moment Yo, da Kringle wuz here!

Wit' a slap to dere snouts, And a yank on dere manes,
He cursed and he shouted, And he called dem by name.
"Yo Tony, Yo Frankie, Yo Sally, Yo Vito,
Ay Joey, Ay Paulie, Ay Pepe, Ay Guido!"

As I drew out my gun And hid by da bed,
Down came his boot On da top a my head.
His eyes were all bloodshot, His b.o. wuz scary,
His breath wuz like sewage, He had a mole dat wuz hairy.

He spit in my eye, And he twisted my head,
He soon let me know I should consider myself dead.
Den pointin' a fat finga Right unda my nose,
He let out some gas, And up da chimney he rose.

He sprang to his sleigh,.....screaming,
And away dey all flew, Before he troo dem a beatin'.
But I heard him exclaim, Or better yet grump,
"Merry Christmas to all, and Bite me, ya hump

Submitted by Sister Wink, Yonker, NY.

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A Teacher was very curious about how each of her students celebrated Christmas.

She called on young Patrick Murphy. "Tell me Patrick what do you do at Christmas time?" she asked.

Patrick addressed the class, "Well Ms. Jones, me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to the midnight Mass and we sing hymns, then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then all excited we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys."

"Very nice Patrick," she said.

"Now Jimmy Brown what do you do at Christmas?" Ms. Jones asked. "Well, Ms. Jones, me and my sister also go to Church with Mum and Dad

and we sing carols and we get home ever so late. We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep waiting for Santa Claus to bri ng our presents, " Jimmy replied.

"That's also very nice Jimmy," she said.

Realizing that there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting to

leave him out of the discussion, she asked Isaac Cohen the same question. "Now Isaac Cohen, what do you do at Christmas?" she asked.

Isaac said, "Well we also sing carols!" Isaac responded. Surprised, Mrs. Jones questioned further. "Tell us what you sing," Ms. Jones requested.

"Well, it's the same thing every year. Dad comes home from the office. We all pile into the Rolls Royce, then we drive to his toy factory. When we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves and begin to sing, 'What A Friend We Have In Jesus.' Then we all go to the Bahamas."

Submitted by Bill, Narberth, PA.

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