You know you're
from Philadelphia if ...
- You've never referred to
Philadelphia as anything but "Philly." And New Jersey has always
- You refer to Pennsylvania as "PA"
(pronounced Peeay).How many other states do that?
- You know what "Punxsutawney Phil" ( A
Ground Hog ) is, and what it means if he sees his shadow.
- The first day of buck and the first day
of doe season are school holidays.
- You can use the phrase "fire hall
wedding reception" and not even bat an eye.
- You can't go to a wedding without
hearing the "Chicken Dance," at least 1 Polka and either an
Italian song (sung in Italian,) or "Hava Nagila."
- At least 5 people on your block have
electric "candles" in all or most of their windows all year
- You know what a "Hex sign" is.
- You know what a "State Store" is, and
your out of state friends find it incredulous that you can't
purchase liquor at the mini-mart.
- You own only three condiments "salt,
pepper and Heinz ketchup".
- Words like "hoagie", "crick", "chipped
ham", "sticky buns", "shoo-fly pie", "pierogies" and
"pocketbook" actually mean something to you.
- You can eat cold pizza (even for
breakfast) and know others who do the same. (Those from NY find
- You not only have heard of Birch Beer,
but you know it comes in several colors: Red, White, Brown,
- you know several places to purchase or
that serve Scrapple, Summer Sausage (Lebanon Bologna), and Hot
- You can eat a cold soft pretzel from a
street vendor without fear and enjoy it.
- You know the difference between a
cheese steak & a pizza steak sandwich and a Primanti's, and know
that you can't get a really good one outside PA.
- You live for summer, when street and
county fairs signal the beginning of funnel cake season.
- Customers ask the waitress for "dippy
eggs" for breakfast.
- You know that Blue Ball, Intercourse,
Climax, Bird-in-Hand, Beaver, Moon, Virginville, Paradise, Mars,
and Slippery Rock are PA towns.
- You know what a township, borough, and
- You can identify drivers from New York,
New Jersey, Ohio,or other neighboring states by their unique and
irritating driving habits.
- A traffic jam is ten cars waiting to
pass a horse-drawn carriage on the highway in Lancaster County.
- You know several people who have hit
deer more than once.
- You carry jumper cables in your car and
your female passengers know how to use them.
- You still keep kitty litter, starting
fluid, de-icer, or a snow brush in your trunk, even if you live
in the south.
- Driving is always better in winter
because the potholes are filled with snow.
- As a kid you built snow forts and leaf
piles that were taller than you were.
- Your graduating class consisted of
mostly Polish, German, & Italian names.
- "You guys" and "ynz" is a perfectly
acceptable reference to a group of men & women.
- You know how to respond to the question
- You learned to pronounce Bryn Mawr,
Wilkes-Barre, Schuylkill, Bala Cynwyd, Conshohocken, and
- You know what a "Mummer" is, and are
disappointed if you can't catch at least highlights of the
Submitted by Bill, Narberth, Pa.
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List of You Know You're From,
Little Sister's Jokes,
Once upon a midnight dreary,
fingers cramped and vision bleary ...
System manuals piled high
and wasted paper on the floor,
Longing for the warmth of bed sheets, still I sat there doing
Having reached the bottom line I took a floppy from the drawer,
I then invoked the SAVE command and waited for the disk to
Only this and nothing more.
Deep into the monitor peering, long I
sat there wond'ring, fearing,
Doubting, while the disk kept churning, turning yet to churn
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token.
"Save!" I said, "You cursed mother! Save my data from before!"
One thing did the phosphors answer, only this and nothing more,
Just, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
Was this some occult illusion, some
These were choices undesired, ones I'd never faced before.
Carefully I weighed the choices as the disk made impish noises.
The cursor flashed, insistent, waiting, baiting me to type some
Clearly I must press a key, choosing one and nothing more,
From "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
With fingers pale and trembling, slowly
toward the keyboard bending,
Longing for a happy ending, hoping all would be restored,
Praying for some guarantee, timidly, I pressed a key.
But on the screen there still persisted words appearing as
Ghastly grim they blinked and taunted, haunted, as my patience
Saying "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
I tried to catch the chips off guard,
and pressed again, but twice as hard.
I pleaded with the cursed machine: I begged and cried and then I
Now in mighty desperation, trying random combinations,
Still there came the incantation, just as senseless as before.
Cursor blinking, angrily winking, blinking nonsense as before.
Reading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
There I sat, distraught, exhausted, by
my own machine accosted.
Getting up I turned away and paced across the office floor.
And then I saw a dreadful sight: a lightning bolt cut through
A gasp of horror overtook me, shook me to my very core.
The lightning zapped my previous data, lost and gone
Not even, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
To this day I do not know the place to
which lost data go.
What demonic nether world us wrought where lost data will be
Beyond the reach of mortal souls, beyond the ether, into black
But sure as there's C, Pascal, Lotus, Ashton-Tate and more,
You will be one day be left to wander, lost on some Plutonian
Pleading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
Submitted by Pastor Jon, Emmitsburg,
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of Page, Computer Joke List,
I am passing this on to you because it has
definitely worked for me...and as we start summer we all could use
a little calm. By following the simple advice I read in an
article, I have finally found inner peace. The article read: "The
way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've
So I looked around the house to see all
the things I started and hadn't finished.... and before leaving
the house this morning I finished off a bottle of red wine, a
bottle of white wine, the Bailey's, Kahlua and Wild Turkey, the
Prozac, some valium, some cheesecake and a box of chocolates You
have no idea how freakin good I feel....
Submitted by Rochel, Emmitsburg, MD.
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of Page, List of
Un-Categorizable Jokes, My Little
definition of stupidity is ... (editors note ... if you look closely, the later photos are fakes)
8th Humor Page