Humor Additions for Wednesday, Sept 3rd, 2003

    My Little Sister's Jokes > Recent Addition List

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"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography." - Paul Rodriguez
  • "A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit" - Army's Magazine of Preventive Maintenance.
  • "Aim towards the Enemy" - Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher.
  • When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend. (U.S. Marine Corps)
  • Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs always hit the ground. (U.S. Air Force)
  • If the enemy is in range, so are you. (Infantry Journal)
  • It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed. (U.S. Air Force Manual)
  • Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons. (Gen. MacArthur)
  • Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo. (Infantry Journal)
  • You, you, and you ..... Panic. The rest of you, come with me. (U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt)
  • Tracers work both ways. (U.S. Army Ordnance)
  • Five-second fuses only last three seconds. (Infantry Journal)
  • Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything. (U.S. Navy Swabbie)
  • Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid. (David Hackworth)
  • If your attack is going too well, you have walked into an ambush. (Infantry Journal)
  • No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection. No inspection- ready unit ever survived combat (Joe Gay)
  • Any ship can be a minesweeper ..... once. (Admiral Hornblower)
  • Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do. (Unknown Recruit)
  • Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you. (Your Buddies)
  • Mines are equal-opportunity weapons. (Saddam Hussein)
  • If you find yourself in a fair fight, you didn't plan your mission properly. (David Hackworth)
  • Waterproof sleeping shelters ..... aren't.
  • Smokeless powder ..... isn't.
  • Always store beer in dark places.
  • Get your first shot off fast. This may upset your enemy enough to allow you to make your second shot count.
  • You can have peace --- or you can have freedom. Don't count of having both at once.
  • Place your clothes and weapons where you can find them in the dark.
  • Courage is the complement of fear. A man who is fearless cannot be courageous.
  • Peace is an extension of war by political means.
  • Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
  • When handling stinging insects, move slowly.
  • This side toward enemy. (U.S. anti-personnel mine)

Submitted by Tom, Fairfield, Pa.

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Lessons we can learn form Geese ...
  • Geese Fact : As each goose flaps its wings, it creates an "uplift" for the other birds to follow. By flying in a "V" formation, the whole flock adds 70% greater flying range than if each bird flew alone.

Our Lesson : People who share a common direction and a sense of community get where they are going quicker and easier -- because they are traveling on the thrust of one another.

  • Geese Fact : When a goose falls out of formation, it suddenly feels the drag and resistance of flying alone. It quickly moves back into formation to take advantage of the lifting power of the bird immediately in front of it.

Our Lesson : If we have as much sense as a goose, we stay in formation with those headed where we want to go. We are willing to accept their help and give our help to others.

  • Geese Fact : When a goose tires, it rotates to the back of the formation as another goose flies to the point opposite.

Our Lesson : It pays to take turns doing the hard tasks and sharing leadership. As with geese, people are interdependent on each other's skills, capabilities and unique arrangement of gifts, talents or resources.

  • Geese Fact : The geese flying in formation honk to encourage those up front to keep up their speed.

Our Lesson : We need to make sure our honking is encouraging. In groups -- where there is encouragement to stand by one's heart or core values and encourage the same in others -- is the sort of honking we seek.

  • Geese Fact : When a goose gets sick, wounded or shot down, two geese drop out of formation and follow it down to help and protect it. They stay with it until it dies or is able to fly again. Then they launch out in formation and try to catch the flock.

Our Lesson : If we had as much sense as geese, we would stand by each other in difficult times as well as when we are strong.

Submitted by Debbie, Middletown, Md.

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This years top cute pet pictures ... take 5 ... I  swear to god the mouse was this big ...

August 29th Humor Page