Top Groaners of 2003 ...
- Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a
salted.
- A jumper cable walks into a bar. The
barman says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
- A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman
says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
- A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
- A man walks into a bar with a slab of
asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer, please, and one for the
road."
- Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in
love get married. The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was
brilliant.
- Two cannibals are eating a clown. One
says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
- A man goes to a Psychologist and says,
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's not
unusual."
- Two cows standing next to each other in
a field, Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated
this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true --
no bull!", exclaimed Daisy.
- Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One
says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
- A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet
and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for
him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he
picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What?
just because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."
- Since 1 in 5 people in the world are
Chinese And there are 5 people in my family, it must be one of
them. It's either my mum or my dad... or maybe my older brother
Colin or my younger brother Ho-Cha Chu. But I'm pretty sure it's
Colin.
- I went to buy some camouflage trousers
the other day but I didn't see any.
- I went to the butcher's other day and I
bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top
shelf. He said, "no, the steaks are too high."
- I went to a seafood disco rave last
week.... and pulled a mussel.
- Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were
chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving
once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
- What is a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
- This one's much worse! How can they get
any worse? Read it and see!
- In the early 20th Century, Thomas
Edison was spreading the word about electricity. Once, while
vacationing out West, he stopped at the Sioux reservation.
Edison was shocked to learn that there was no indoor plumbing,
and that he would have to use an outhouse. In fact, he was told,
the Sioux had to use the outhouse even in the dead of night. To
help the Sioux, Edison installed lights in the outhouse. With
this kind act, he became the first person to wire a head for a
reservation!
Submitted by Dick, Williamsport. Md.
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A couple was dressed and ready to
go out for the evening.
They turned on a night light,
turned the answering machine on the phone line, covered their pet
parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.
They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi
arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house.
The cat they had put out into the yard scoots back into the house.
They don't want the cat shut in the house because "she" always
tries to eat the bird. The wife goes out to the taxi while the
husband goes inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, the man
in hot pursuit.
The wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty.
She explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be out soon.
"He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."
A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took
so long," he says, as they drive away.
"Stupid was hiding under the bed. I Had to poke her with a coat
hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket
to keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I hauled her fat
ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"
The cabdriver hit a parked car...
Submitted by Dolly,
Myersville, MD.
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Doggie Day Care ...
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Oct
24th
Humor Page
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