Make sure you know the lingo
this Halloween ...
- Boogieman: The guy who passes time at a
stoplight picking his nose.
- Coffin: What you do when you get a
piece of popcorn stuck in your throat.
- Frankenstein: Hot dog and a mug of
- Full Moon: What your repairman reveals
when he bends over to fix your fridge.
- Goblin: How you eat the snickers bars
you got for Halloween.
- Invisible Man: What a guy becomes when
there's housework to be done. Also, see "Mr. Hyde."
- Jack O' Lantern: An Irish Pumpkin.
- Jack the Ripper: What Jack does to his
lottery tickets after losing each week.
- Mummy: The person who kisses the
boo-boo after you scrape your knee.
- Pumpkin Patch: What a pumpkin wears
when trying to quit smoking.
- Skeleton: Any supermodel.
- Vampire Bat: What Dracula hits a
- Witch: See "Mother-in-Law."
- Zombie: What you look like before that
first cup of morning coffee
Bill, Narberth, PA.
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It's a wife's job
to listen to her husband ...
There was a man
who had worked all of his life and had
saved all of his money. He was a real
miser when it came to his money. He
loved money more than just about
anything, and just before he died, he
said to his wife, "Now listen, when I
die, I want you to take all my money
and place it in the casket with me. I
wanna take my money to the afterlife."
So he got his wife to promise him with
all her heart that when he died, she
would put all the money in the casket
Well, one day
he died. He was stretched out in the
casket, the wife was sitting there in
black next to her closest friend. When
they finished the ceremony, just
before the undertakers got ready to
close the casket, the wife said "Wait
just a minute!" She had a shoe box
with her, she came over with the box
and placed it in the casket. Then the
undertakers locked the casket down and
rolled it away.
said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough
to put all that money in the casket."
She said, "Yes, I promised. I'm a good
Christian, I can't lie. I promised him
that I was going to put that money in
that casket with him."
"You mean to
tell me you put every cent of his
money in the casket with him?"
"I sure did,"
said the wife. "I got it all together,
put it into my account and I wrote him
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Jokes About Marriage, My Little
Facts About Men - Part 1
- Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if
danger is involved.
- Men who have pierced ears are better
prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought
- Be careful of men who are bald and
rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of
- Marrying a divorced man is ecologically
responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it
pays to recycle.
- Men are very confident people. My
husband is so confident that when he watches sports on
television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his
team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our
living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off
the phone incase they call him.
- If it's attention you want, don't get
involved with a man during play-off season.
- Men like phones with lots of buttons.
It makes them feel important.
- Men love to be the first to read the
newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to
- All men look nerdy in black socks and
- The way a man looks at himself in a
mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.
- Don't try to teach men how to do
anything in public. They can learn in private; in public they
have to know.
- Men who are going bald often wear
- All men are afraid of eyelash curlers.
I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.
- A good place to meet a man is at the
dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
- Men love watches with multiple
functions. My husband has one that is a combination address
book, telescope and piano.
- All men hate to hear "We need to talk
about our relationship." These seven words strike fear in the
heart of even General Schwarzkopf.
- Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a
man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will
take it personally.
Submitted by Ericka, Fairfield, Pa.
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By the way, the bridge is out ahead
Oct 22nd Humor Page