Wanda's dishwasher quit
working so she called a repairman.
Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman,
"I'll leave the key under the mat.
Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the
counter, and I'll mail you a check.
Oh, by the way don't worry about my
bulldog. He won't bother you.
But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY
circumstances, talk to my parrot!"
"I repeat, Do not talk to my Parrot!!!"
When the repairman arrived at Wanda's
apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest
looking bulldog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the
dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about
The parrot, however, drove him nuts the
whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling.
Finally the repairman couldn't contain
himself any longer and yelled,
"Shut up, you stupid ugly bird!" To which
the parrot replied,
"Get him, Spike!"
Bill, Narberth, PA.
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of Page, Clean Joke List,
Home remedies for fixing what ails you ...
... we recommend you try them on someone
else first just to make sure they work ...
- If you are choking on an ice cube,
don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat
and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
- Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while
slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while
you chop away.
- Avoid arguments with the missus about
lifting the toilet seat by simply peeing in the sink.
- High blood pressure sufferers: simply
cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure
in your veins.
- A mouse trap, placed on top of your
alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back
to sleep when you hit the snooze button.
- If you have a bad cough, take a large
dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
- Have a bad toothache? Hit your thumb
with a hammer, then you will forget about the toothache.
Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
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of Page, Groaner Joke List,
A woman is enjoying a good game of
golf with her girlfriends one day.
"Oh, No! I have to rush home and
fix dinner for my husband! He's going to be really ticked if it's
not ready on time."
When she gets home, she realizes she doesn't have enough time to
go to the supermarket, and all she has in the cupboard is a wilted
lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food.
In a panic, she opens the can of cat food, stirs in the egg and
garnishes it with the lettuce leaf just as her husband is pulling
She greets her husband and then watches in horror as he sits down
to his dinner. To her surprise, the husband is really enjoying his
"Darling, this the best dinner you have made for me in forty years
of marriage. You can makes this for me any old day.
Needless to say, every golf day from then on, the woman made her
husband the same dish. She told her golf partners about it and
they were all horrified. "You're going to kill him!" they
Two months later, her husband died. The women were sitting around
when one of them said, "You killed him! We told you that feeding
him that cat food every week would do him in!
How can you just sit there so calmly knowing you murdered your
The wife stoically replied, "I didn't kill him. He fell off the
window sill while he was trying to lick his back."
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of Page, List of
Jokes About Marriage, My Little
And you thought you had lousy
... Take 3