Humor Additions for Monday, Oct 13th, 2003


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A new chapter of the Book of Genesis was recently discovered in the Deadly Sea Scrolls ...

And Adam said, "Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me everyday. Now I do not see you anymore. I am lonesome here and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me."

And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will know I love you, even when you cannot see me.

Regardless of how selfish and childish and unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself."

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and he wagged his tail. And Adam said, "But Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and all the good names are taken and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."

And God said, "No problem! Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."

And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and loved him. And Adam was comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that Adam's guardian angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and preens like a peacock and he believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught him that he is loved, but no one has taught him humility."

And the Lord said, "No problem! I will create for him a companion who will be with him forever and who will see him as he is. The companion will remind him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not worthy of adoration."

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam. And Cat would not obey Adam.

And when Adam gazed into Cat's eyes, he was reminded that he was not the supreme being. And Adam learned humility.

And God was pleased. And Adam was greatly improved.

And Cat did not care one way or the other.

Submitted by Dave, Bolder, CO.
 

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Did you know all polar bears are left handed.

  • A chameleonís tongue is twice the length of its body.

  • A woodpecker can peck twenty times a second.

  • A cow gives nearly 200,000 glasses of milk in her lifetime.

  • Dolphins sleep with one eye open!

  • A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

  • A catís jaw cannot move sideways.

  • An ostrichís eye is bigger than its brain.

  • All polar bears are left handed.

  • Ants donít sleep.

  • Dragonflies can fly at up to 30 mph.

  • Flamingos are not naturally pink.  They get their color from their food.

  • Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.

  • The muzzle of a lion is like a fingerprint.  No two lions have the same pattern of whiskers.

Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
 

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A group of students were asked to list what they thought were the present "Seven Wonders of the World." 

Though there were some disagreements, the following received the most votes:

  1. Egypt's Great Pyramids
  2. Taj Mahal
  3. Grand Canyon
  4. Panama Canal
  5. Empire State Building
  6. St. Peter's Basilica
  7. China's Great Wall

While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one student had not finished her paper yet. So she asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list. The girl replied, "Yes, a little. I couldn't quite make up my mind because there were so many."

The teacher said, "Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help." The girl hesitated, then read, "I think the 'Seven Wonders of the World' are:

  1. to see
  2. to hear
  3. to touch
  4. to taste
  5. to feel
  6. to laugh
  7. and to love."

The room was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop. The things we overlook as simple and ordinary and that we take for granted are truly wondrous!

A gentle reminder -- that the most precious things in life cannot be built by hand or bought by man.
 

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I'd throw him a buck just for the smile he generate ...


Oct 10th Humor Page