Humor Additions for Monday, Nov 17th, 2003

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Two little kids are in the hospital, lying on beds next to each other outside the operating room.

The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in for?"

The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."

The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze."

The second kid then says, "What are you here for?"

The first kid says, "A circumcision."

And the second kid says, "Whoa, I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year."

Submitted by Andy, Gettysburg, Pa.

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A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning.

He said "Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach".

Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn that comes to your mind.

The pastor shouted out, "Cross."

Immediately the congregation started singing in unison, "The Old Rugged Cross".

The pastor hollered out "Grace". The congregation began to sing "Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound."

The pastor said "Power". The congregation sang "There is Power in the Blood.

The Pastor said "Sex." The congregation fell into total silence.

Everyone was in shock. They all nervously began to look around at each other afraid to say anything.

Then all of a sudden from way in the back of the church a little 87 year old grandmother stood up! and began to sing..... "Precious Memories."

Submitted by Pat, Clear Lake, Va.

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Dear Tide: I am writing to say what an excellent product you have!

In fact, about a month ago while at home, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse.  My husband started to berate me about my drinking problem and how
expensive the blouse was.  One thing lead to another and I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse, as well.

I tried to get the stain out using the bargain detergent my cheap husband bought, but it just wouldn't come out.  I went to the local convenience store and got a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and all of the stains came out!  They came out so well, in fact, that the police's DNA tests were negative!

I thank you, once again, for a great product!

Well, gotta go, I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people.

Recently Widowed

Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.

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Nov 14th Humor Page