Humor Additions for Friday, May 16th

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Two buddies, Bob and Earl, were two of the biggest baseball fans in America.

Their entire adult lives, Bob and Earl discussed baseball history in the winter, and they pored over every box score during the season. They went to sixty games a year. They even agreed that whoever died first would try to come back and tell the other if there was baseball in heaven.

One summer night, Bob passed away in his sleep after watching the Yankee victory earlier in the evening. He died happy.

A few nights later, his buddy Earl awoke to the sound of Bob's voice from beyond.

"Bob is that you?" Earl asked.

"Of course it's me," Bob replied.

"This is unbelievable!" Earl exclaimed. "So tell me, is there baseball in heaven?"

"Well I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which do you want to hear first?"

"Tell me the good news first."

"Well, the good news is that yes, there is baseball in heaven, Earl."

"Oh, that is wonderful! So what could possibly be the bad news?"

"You're pitching tomorrow night."

Submitted by Debbie, Proud Wife of Paul, Middletown, Md.

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Spotted in a toilet of a London office: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below ...
  • In a Birmingham department store: Bargain basement upstairs.
  • In a Norwich office: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back Or further steps will be taken.
  • In an Swindon office: After tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on The draining board.
  • Outside a Chester secondhand shop: We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines, etc. why not bring Your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?
  • Notice in Cambridge health food shop window: Closed due to illness.
  • In a Leicester laundromat: Automatic washing machines: please remove all your clothes when the Light Goes out.
  • Spotted in a Longleat safari park: Elephants! Please stay in your car.
  • Seen during a Blackpool conference: For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on The first floor.
  • Notice in a field in Wiltshire: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull Charges.
  • Message on a leaflet in reading: If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.
  • On a repair shop door in Newcastle-on-Tyne: We can repair anything. (please knock hard on the door - the bell Doesn't work.

Submitted by Dave, Bolder Co.

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A woman rushes to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out.

She rattles off, "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were blood-shot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's wrong with me, Doctor?"

The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says, "Well, I can tell you one thing . . . there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight."

Submitted by Bill, Narberth, Pa.

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May 14th Humor Page