Humor Additions for Friday, March 28th

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Funny Signs...
  1. On a Septic Tank Truck sign:
    "We're #1 in the #2 business."
  2. Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
    "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
  3. At a Proctologist's door:
    "To expedite your visit please back in."
  4. On a Plumber's truck:
    "We repair what your husband fixed."
  5. On a Plumber's truck:
    "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
  6. Pizza Shop Slogan:
    "7 days without pizza makes one weak."
  7. At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
    "Invite us to your next blowout."
  8. On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door:
    "Hello. Can we pick your nose?"
  9. At a Towing company:
    "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
  10. On an Electrician's truck:
    "Let us remove your shorts."
  11. In a Nonsmoking Area:
    "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
  12. On a Maternity Room door:
    "Push. Push. Push."
  13. At an Optometrist's Office:
    "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
  14. On a Taxidermist's window:
    "We really know our stuff."
  15. In a Podiatrist's office:
    "Time wounds all heels."
  16. On a Fence:
    "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."
  17. At a Car Dealership:
    "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
  18. Outside a Muffler Shop:
    "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
  19. In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
    "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
  20. At the Electric Company:
    "We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be."
  21. In a Restaurant window:
    "Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up."
  22. In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
    "Drive carefully. We'll wait."
  23. At a Propane Filling Station:
    "Tank heaven for little grills."
  24. And don't forget the sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop:
    "Best place in town to take a leak."

Submitted by Andy

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Larry wakes up at home with a huge hangover...

He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Larry looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean.

So's the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you." So he goes to the kitchen, and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.

Larry asks, "Son, what happened last night?"

His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious, broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."

Confused, Larry asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, "Lady, leave me alone, I'm married'!"

Submitted by Debbie

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March 26th Humor Page