Humor Additions for Wednesday, June 11th

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Things You'd Love to Say at Work, But Can't! II
  • "Well aren't we a bloody ray of sunshine?
  • "Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after.
  • Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble plastic is cheap. You choose.
  • Practice random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control.
  • I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for thirty years.
  • Do they ever shut up on your planet?
  • I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
  • Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you haven't gone to sleep yet.
  • Back off! You're standing in my aura.
  • Don't worry. I forgot your name too.
  • I work 45 hours a week to be this poor.
  • Wait. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
  • Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
  • Earth is full. Go home.
  • Aw, did I step on your poor little itty bitty ego?
  • I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
  • I'm already visualizing duct tape over your mouth.
  • Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
  • I'll try to be nicer, if you try to be smarter.
  • How about never? Is never good for you?
  • What ever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
  • I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
  • Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
  • You're a good example of why some animals eat their young.
  • Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
  • I'm NOT stressed out. You're just extremely annoying!
  • Have a nice day. somewhere else.

Go to Things You'd Love to Say at Work, But Can't! I

Submitted by Mike, Broomfield, Co.

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Classes for men at our local learning center for adults..

Note: due to the complexity and difficulty level of their content, each course will accept a maximum of 8 participants.

  • Topic 1 - How to fill up the ice cube trays Step by step, with slide presentation.
  • Topic 2 - The toilet paper roll: do they grow on the holders? Round table discussion.
  • Topic 3 - Is it possible to urinate using the technique of lifting the seat up And avoiding the floor/walls and nearby bathtub? Group practice.
  • Topic 4 - Fundamental differences between the laundry hamper and the floor. Pictures and explanatory graphics.
  • Topic 5 - The after-dinner dishes and silverware: can they levitate and fly into The kitchen sink? Examples on video.
  • Topic 6 - Loss of identity: losing the remote or allowing others to use it. Help line support and support groups.
  • Topic 7 - Learning how to find things, starting with looking in the right place Instead of turning the house upside down while screaming. Open forum.
  • Topic 8 - Health watch: bringing her flowers is not harmful to your health. Graphics and audiotape.
  • Topic 9 - Real men ask for directions when lost. Real life testimonials.
  • Topic 10 - Is it genetically impossible to sit quietly as she parallel parks? Driving simulation.
  • Topic 11 - Learning to live: basic differences between living alone or with Others. Online classes and role-playing.
  • Topic 12 - How to be the ideal shopping companion. Relaxation, exercises, meditation and breathing techniques.
  • Topic 13 - How to fight cerebral atrophy: remembering birthdays, anniversaries, Other important dates and calling when you're going to be late. Cerebral shock therapy sessions and full lobotomies offered.
  • Topic 14 - Car keys and other items: Practice on developing skills of putting things back where they belong so that they can be easily found.

Upon completion of the course, diplomas will be issued to any survivors.

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June 9th Humor Page