Humor Additions for Monday, July 14th

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What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup? ...

 ... Anyone Can Roast Beef!

  • How Do You Catch A Unique Rabbit? Unique Up On It.
  • How Do You Catch A Tame Rabbit? Tame Way, Unique Up On It.
  • How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest? They Take The Psycho Path.
  • How Do You Get Holy Water? You Boil The Hell Out Of It.
  • What Do Fish Say When They Hit A Concrete Wall? Dam!
  • What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long? Polaroids
  • What Do You Call A Boomerang That Doesn't work? A Stick.
  • What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours? Nacho Cheese.
  • What Do You Call Santa's Helpers? Subordinate Clauses.
  • What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand? Quatro Sinko.
  • What Do You Get From A Pampered Cow? Spoiled Milk.
  • What Do You Get When You Cross A Snowman With A Vampire? Frostbite.
  • What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches? A Nervous Wreck.
  • Where Do You Find A Dog With No Legs? Right Where You Left Him.
  • Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils? Because They Have Big Fingers.
  • Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive? Because It Scares The Dog.
  • What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic? Sanka.
  • What Is The Difference Between A Harley And A Hoover? The Location Of The Dirt Bag.
  • Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down? Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.
  • What's The Difference Between A Bad Golfer And A Bad Skydiver? A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang! A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.
  • How Are A Texas Tornado And A Iowa Divorce The Same? Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer.....

Submitted by Debbie, Middletown, Md.

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Letter sent to the principal of a school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly.

This story is a credit to all humankind. Read it, soak it in, and bask in the warm feeling that it leaves you with ...

Dear Reyer School:

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizen's luncheon. I'm 94 years old and live at the Memphis County Home for the Aged.

My family has long since passed away and I rarely have visitors. As a result, I have very limited contact with the outside world. This makes your gift especially welcome.

My roommate, Maggie Cook, has had her own radio for as long as I've known her. She listens to it all the time, though usually with an earplug or with the volume so low, I can't hear it. For some reason, she has never wanted to share it.

Last Sunday morning, while listening to her morning gospel programs, she accidentally knocked her radio off its shelf. It smashed into many pieces, and caused her to cry. It was so sad. Fortunately, I had my new radio. Knowing this, Maggie asked if she could listen to mine. I told her to pound sand and die!

God bless you for your kindness to an old, forgotten lady.

Sincerely, Edna Johnson

Return to: Top of Page, List of Jokes About Aging, My Little Sister's Jokes ,

Everyone Needs this List to Live by ...
  • The most destructive habit: Worry
  • The greatest Joy: Giving
  • The greatest loss: Loss of self-respect
  • The most satisfying work: Helping others
  • The ugliest personality trait: Selfishness
  • The most endangered species: Dedicated leaders
  • Our greatest natural resource: Our youth
  • The greatest "shot in the arm": Encouragement
  • The greatest problem to overcome: Fear
  • The most effective sleeping pill Peace of mind
  • The most crippling failure disease: Excuses
  • The most powerful force in life: Love
  • The most dangerous pariah: A gossiper
  • The world's most incredible computer: The brain
  • The worst thing to be without: Hope
  • The deadliest weapon: The tongue
  • The two most power-filled words: "I Can"
  • The greatest asset: Faith
  • The most worthless emotion: Self-pity
  • The most beautiful attire: SMILE!
  • The most prized possession: Integrity
  • The most powerful channel of communication: Prayer
  • The most contagious spirit: Enthusiasm
  • The most important thing in life: GOD

Submitted by Sister Wink, Younkers, NY

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July 11th Humor Page