Humor Additions for Wednesday, January 22nd


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A team of engineers were required to measure the height of a flag pole.

They only had a measuring tape, and were getting quite frustrated trying to keep the tape along the pole. It kept falling down, etc.

A mathematician comes along, finds out their problem, and proceeds to remove the pole from the ground, lays it down and then measures it easily.

As he leaves, one engineer says to the other, "Just like a mathematician! We need to know the height, and he gives us the length!"

Submitted by Debbie, Proud Wife of Paul, Middletown, Md.
 

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Things I've learned about South Carolina.....
  • Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
  • There are 5000 types of snakes, and 4998 live in South Carolina.
  • There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in South Carolina, plus a couple that nobody has seen before.
  • Squirrels will eat anything.
  • Unknown critters love to dig holes under tomato plants.
  • Raccoons will test your crop of melons and let you know when they are ripe.
  • If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.
  • A tractor is NOT an all-terrain vehicle. They do get stuck.
  • Onced and Twiced are words.
  • It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy.
  • Fire ants consider your flesh as a picnic.
  • People actually grow and eat okra.
  • "Fixinto" is one word.
  • There ain't no such thing as "lunch." There's "dinner" and then there's "supper."
  • Sweet tea is appropriate for all meals, and you start drinking it when you're two.
  • "Backards and forwards" means, "I know everything about you."
  • "Jeet?" is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"
  • You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

Submitted by Andy, Gettysburg, Pa.
 

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More Deep Thoughts ... Part 12
  • If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
  • Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
  • If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
  • What do you call male ballerinas?
  • Can blind people see their dreams?
  • If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme stuff, why didn't he just buy dinner?
  • If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
  • If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
  • If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
  • Why do the alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
  • Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
  • Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Submitted by Mike, Broomfield, Co.
 

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Jan 20th Humor Page