• You measure distance in minutes.
• You've ever had to switch from heat to air conditioning in the same day.
• You see a car running in a store parking lot with no one in it no matter what time of the year.
• You use "fix" as a verb. Example: I am fixing to go to the store.
• All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
• You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
• You carry jumper cables in your car... for your OWN car.
• You know what "cow tipping" is.
• You only own four spices: salt, pepper, Texas Pete and catsup.
• The local papers cover national and international news on one page and six pages for local gossip and sports.
• Your think that the first day deer season is a national holiday.
• You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit "a little warm."
• You know all four seasons: almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas.
• Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as "Goin' wal-martin" or "Off to ' Wally World'."
• You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good pinto-bean weather.
• A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop...it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example: "What kinna coke you want?"
• Fried Catfish is the other white meat.

Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What

setting do I use on the washing machine?"

I replied, "It depends. What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "Green Bay Packers."

• "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before."
• "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
• "Can you hear me NOW?"
• "Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"
• "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?"
• "You know, in some states, we're now legally married."
• "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
• "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey...."
• "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
• "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
• "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"

• Cats do what they want, when they want.
• They rarely listen to you.
• They're totally unpredictable.
• They whine when they are not happy.
• When you want to play they want to be left alone.
• When you want to be alone, they want to play.
• They expect you to cater to their every whim.
• They're moody.
• They leave their hair everywhere.
• They drive you nuts.

Conclusion: Cats are small women in fur coats.