Humor Additions for Monday, Feb 24th

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New jokes posted on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
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If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church ..

... would that get me into Heaven?" I asked the children in my Sunday School class.

"NO!" the children all answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"

Again, the answer was, "NO!"

"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my wife, would that get me into Heaven?" I asked them again.

Again, they all answered, "NO!"

"Well, I continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"

A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!"

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The U. S. Treasury has announced they are recalling the new West Virginia quarter.

According to the Treasury officials the quarter will not work in parking meters, toll booths or vending machines. Apparently the duct tape holding the two dimes and nickel together keeps jamming the machines.

Submitted by Debbie, Middletown, Md.

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Two nuns were watching a baseball game (their seats were partially blocking the view) ...

... three men decided to badger the nuns in an effort to get them to move.

In a very loud voice, the first guy said, "I think I'm going to move to Utah ... there are only 100 Nuns living there."

The second guy spoke up and said, "I want to go to Montana ... there are only 50 Nuns living there."

The third guy spoke up and said, "I want to go to Idaho ... there are only 25 Nuns living there."

One of the nuns turned around, and looked at the men, and gently said, "Why don't you just go to hell ... there aren't any Nuns there."

Submitted by Bill, Narberth, Pa.

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Senator Clinton and her driver were cruising along a country road one evening ...

... when an old cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it, but couldn't, and the old cow was killed.

Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what happened. She stayed in the car making phone calls to lobbyists. About an hour later, the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a bottle of expensive wine in one hand, an expensive Cuban cigar in the other.

"What happened?" asked Hillary. "Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar"

"My God, what did you tell them?" asked Hillary.

The driver replied, "I said 'I'm Hillary Clinton's driver, and I just killed the old cow.

Submitted by Andy, Gettysburg, Pa.

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Feb 21th Humor Page