Humor Additions for Wednesday Feb 12th

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Three guys are out having a relaxing day fishing...

Out of the blue, they catch a mermaid who begs to be set free in return for granting each of them a wish.

Now one of the guys just doesn't believe it, and says, "Okay, if you can really grant wishes, then double my IQ."

The mermaid says, "Done."

Suddenly the guy starts reciting Shakespeare flawlessly and analyzing it with extreme insight.

The second guy is so amazed, he says to the mermaid, "Triple my IQ."

The mermaid says, "Done." The guy starts to spout out all the mathematical solutions to
problems that have been stumping all the scientists in various fields: physics, chemistry, etc.

The last guy is so enthralled with the changes that his friends that he says to the mermaid, "Quintuple my IQ."

The mermaid looks at him and says, "You know, I don't usually try to change people's minds when they make a wish, but I really wish that you would reconsider."

The guy says, "No, I want you to increase my IQ times five, and if you don't do it, I won't set you free."

"Please," says the mermaid, "You don't understand what you're asking, it will change your entire view on the universe. Won't you ask for something else....a million dollars, anything?"

But no matter what the mermaid said, the guy insisted on having his IQ increased by five times its usual power. So the mermaid sighed and said, "Done."

And he became a woman.

Submitted by Jessica, Mt. St. Mary's College

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You know you are from Philadelphia when...
  • You realize that your favorite dessert is wooder ice. (It comes in churry, strawburry, and other assorted flavors.)
  • You find yourself using "Yo" and "Youse guys" when talking long distance to family members.
  • You know how to spell Schuylkill.
  • You think $2,500 for insurance on a '79 Toyota is a bargain.
  • You find yourself at a nice restaurant thinking, "This would only be three bucks at a truckstop."
  • You can sleep soundly through gunshots in the neighborhood.
  • You visit New York and notice how clean it is.
  • You believe that the car on your side, flashing its turn signal, wants you to close the gap with the car in front.
  • You can't eat fries without Cheeze Whiz.
  • You find street people greet you by first name.
  • You don't think Wawa sounds funny.
  • You snub a cheesesteak that isn't on an Amoroso roll.
  • Your parents, brothers, sisters, aunts and uncles all live on the same block.
  • You love scrapple for breakfast.
  • You took a vacation at the shore (and liked it).
  • You know where to find the Rocky statue.
  • Only tourists go to Geno and Pat's for an authentic cheesesteak.
  • You buy soft pretzels at a traffic light.

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Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better computer programmer.

The disagreement goes on for a few hours until they decide to hold a contest to determine the winner. They ask God to be the judge.

They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. However, seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later the power is restored and God announces that the contest is over.

He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly shaken and cries, "I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out."

"Very well then," says God, "Let us see if Jesus fared any better."

Jesus enters a command and the screen comes to life in a vivid display of graphics and colors, and the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers.

Satan is astonished. He stutters, "B-b-but how? I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?"

God chuckles and says, "Everybody knows... JESUS SAVES."

Submitted by Patty

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