Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?"

So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and got completely smashed. The next morning Greg wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels great! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing! Then the phone rings ... It's Jim.

Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"

Greg says, "I feel great. How about you?" Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?"

Greg says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff - no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often."

"Yeah, well there's just one thing..."

"What's that?"

"Have you farted yet?"

"No ..."

"Well, don't, 'cause I'm in Phoenix!

I'm a time traveler stuck here in 2003. Upon arriving here my dimensional warp generator stopped working. I trusted a company here by the name of llc lasers to repair my generation 3 52 4350a watch unit, and they fled on me. i am going to need a new dwg unit, prefereably the rechargeable amd wrist watch model with the grc79 induction motor, four i80200 warp stabilizers, 512gb of sram and the menu driven gui with front panel xid display.

I will take whatever model you have in stock, as long as its received certification for being safe on carbon based life forms.

In terms of payment:

I don't have any galactic credits left. Payment can be made in platinum gold or 2003 currency upon safe delivery of unit.

Instructions must be followed exactly:

Please transport unit in either a brown paper bag or box to below coordinates on Thursday august 7th at (exactly 4:00pm) eastern standard time on the dot. A few minutes prior will be ok, but it cannot be after. If you miss this timeframe please email me. i will not be there prior to 4:45pm est, so do not transport before then.

Item is to be delivered at (out of service basketball court) located at: latitude n 42.47935 & longitude w 071.17355 and the elevation is 119 feet.

Warning: do not attempt to transport item by regular means of teleportation. They are monitoring and will redirect the signal!!

I do not care how you have to get it here, just do it in a way that no spying eyes will possibly be able to redirect the transference. It is very important that you be able to monitor the transfer.

How are you going to send it so that they cannot redirect it??? if in doubt do not transport actual unit until your method of transfer can be confirmed as a success. You just might need to send a intergalactic courier to deliver item safely to me. if so be very careful at how they approach me in my white car.

• Read the note previous to this from the time traveler

The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the sidewalk, and stopped inches from a department store window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mister, don't ever do that again. You scared me half to death!"

The passenger apologized and said he didn't realize that a little tap could scare him so much.

The driver replied, "You're right. I'm sorry, really it's not your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver.

I've been driving a hearse for 25 years."