Once a Pope and a lawyer died and
went to heaven.
God came and said, "Follow me and I will give you your rooms." So
they both followed.
First God gave the Pope his room; it was very small with a small
bed and a small desk. "Thank you, thank you my lord," said The
Then God gave the
lawyer his room; it was big room with a big bed and a big deck
with a pool and a pretty woman.
"Mr. God, why are you giving this room to me and the other one to
The Pope?" the lawyer asked.
"Well, we get popes by the
dozens, but you're our first lawyer."
Submitted by Debbie, Middletown, Md.
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Lawyer Jokes, My Little
After every flight, pilots fill
out a sheet which conveys to the mechanics
encountered with the
aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction.
The mechanics read and correct the
problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form
what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe
sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews and
engineers lack a sense of humor! Here are some actual logged
maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots
and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. (By the way,
Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.)
(P = The problem logged by the pilot.) (S
= The solution and action taken by the engineers.)
- P: Left inside main tire almost needs
replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
- P: Test flight OK, except auto-land
very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
- P: Something loose in cockpit. S:
Something tightened in cockpit.
- P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live
bugs on back-order.
- P: Evidence of leak on right main
landing gear. S: Evidence removed.
- P: Friction locks cause throttle levers
to stick. S: That's what they're there for.
- P: IFF inoperative. S: IFF always
inoperative in OFF mode.
- P: Suspected crack in windshield. S:
Suspect you're right.
- P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine
found on right wing after brief search.
- P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft
warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
- P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed
target radar with lyrics.
- P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed.
- P: Noise coming from under instrument
panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
Submitted by Cassie, Middleburg, Va.
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about work, My
Little Sister's Jokes,
Due to a power outage at the
time, only one paramedic responded to the call.
The house was very, very
dark, so the paramedic asked Katelyn, a 3-year-old girl, to hold a
flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped
deliver the baby. Very diligently, Katelyn did as she was asked.
Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a
little while Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his
little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry.
The paramedic then thanked Katelyn for her help and asked the
wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just
Katelyn quickly responded, "He shouldn't
have crawled in there in the first place. Smack him again.
Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
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Sayings, My Little
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