Humor Additions for Wednesday, August 6th

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Once a Pope and a lawyer died and went to heaven.

God came and said, "Follow me and I will give you your rooms." So they both followed.

First God gave the Pope his room; it was very small with a small bed and a small desk. "Thank you, thank you my lord," said The Pope.

Then God gave the lawyer his room; it was big room with a big bed and a big deck with a pool and a pretty woman.

"Mr. God, why are you giving this room to me and the other one to The Pope?" the lawyer asked.

"Well, we get popes by the dozens, but you're our first lawyer."

Submitted by Debbie, Middletown, Md.

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After every flight, pilots fill out a  sheet which conveys to the mechanics problems ...

...  encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction.

The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor! Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. (By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.)

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.) (S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)

  • P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
  • P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
  • P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit.
  • P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order.
  • P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed.
  • P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what they're there for.
  • P: IFF inoperative. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
  • P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right.
  • P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
  • P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
  • P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
  • P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed.
  • P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget.

Submitted by Cassie, Middleburg, Va.

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Due to a power outage at the time, only one paramedic responded to the call.

The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Katelyn, a 3-year-old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Katelyn did as she was asked.

Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Katelyn for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.

Katelyn quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place. Smack him again.

Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.

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