Dan Rather, Jesse Jackson,
Cokie Roberts, and an Marine were hiking through the jungle ...
... one day when they were captured by
cannibals. They were tied up, led to the village and brought
before the chief.
The chief said, "I am familiar with your
western custom of granting the condemned a last wish. Before we
kill and eat you, do you have any last requests?"
Dan Rather said, "Well, I'm a Texan; so
I'd like one last bowlful of hot, spicy chili."
The chief nodded to an underling, who left
and returned with the chili. Rather ate it all and said, "Now I
can die content."
Jesse Jackson said, "You know, the thing
in this life I am proudest of is my work on behalf of the poor and
oppressed. So before I go, I want to sing "We Shall Overcome" one
The chief said, "Go right ahead, we're
Jackson sang the song, and then said, "Now
I can die in peace."
Cokie Roberts said, "I'm a reporter to the
end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene
here and what's about to happen. Maybe someday someon will hear it
and know that I was on the job 'til the end."
The chief directed an aide to hand over
the tape recorder, and Roberts dictated some comments. She then
said, "Now I can die happy."
The chief turned and said, "And now, Mr.
Marine, what is your final wish?"
"Kick me in the ass," said the Marine.
"What?" said the chief. "Will you mock us
in your last hour?"
"No, I'm not kidding. I want you to kick
me in the ass," insisted the Marine.
So the chief shoved him into the open, and
kicked him in the ass.
The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to
his knees, pulled a 9 mm pistol from his waistband, and shot the
chief dead. In the resulting confusion, he leapt to his knapsack,
pulled out his M4 carbine, and sprayed the cannibals with gunfire.
In a flash, the cannibals were dead or fleeing for their lives.
As the Marine was untying the others, they
asked him, "Why didn't you just shoot them? Why did you ask them
to kick you in the ass?"
"What!?" said the Marine, "And have you
liberals call ME the aggressor?!?"