Humor Additions for Friday, August 22nd

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A French teacher was explaining that in French nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine...

"House" is feminine - "la maison."

"Pencil" is masculine - "le crayon."

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups -male and female - and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:

No one but their creator understands their internal logic; The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else; Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later review; and as soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your salary on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("le computer") because:

In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on; They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves; They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and as soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won

Submitted by Kate, Columbia, Md.

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An older lady was somewhat lonely and decided she needed a pet to keep her company.

So off to the pet shop she went. She searched and searched. Nothing seemed to catch her interest, except this ugly frog.  As she walked by the jar he was in, she looked and he winked at her and whispered , "Iím lonely too, buy me and you wont be sorry."

The old lady figured .... what the heck, she hadnít found anything else.  She bought the frog and put him in the car. Driving down the road the frog whispered to her "kiss me and you wont be sorry"

So the old lady figured What the heck, and kissed the frog. Immediately the frog turned into an absolutely gorgeous young handsome prince.  The prince then kissed the old lady back ... and guess what the old lady turned into?

Come on Guess!!!

She turned into the first motel she could find ... She's old ... not dead!!!!!

Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.

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Close Encounter with Mars

Never again in your lifetime will the Red Planet be so spectacular. This month and next, Earth is catching up with Mars, an encounter that will culminate in the closest approach between the two planets in recorded history. The next time Mars may come this close is in 2287. Due to the way Jupiter's gravity tugs on Mars and perturbs its orbit, astronomers can only be certain that Mars has not come this close to Earth in the last 5,000 years but it may be as long as 60,000 years. The encounter will culminate on August 27th when Mars comes to within 34,649,589 miles and will be (next to the moon) the brightest object in the night sky. It will attain a magnitude of -2.9 and will appear 25.11 arc seconds wide. At a modest 75-power magnification Mars will look as large as the full moon to he naked eye.

Mars will be easy to spot. At the beginning of August, Mars will rise in the east at 10 p.m. and reach its azimuth at about 3 a.m. But by the end of August when the two planets are closest, Mars will rise at nightfall and reach its highest point in the sky at 12:30 a.m. That's pretty convenient when it comes to seeing something that no human has seen in recorded history.

So mark your calendar at the beginning of August to see Mars grow progressively brighter and brighter throughout the month. Share with your children and grandchildren. No one alive today will ever see this again.

Not only will Mars be close to earth, but at about the same time it will be in opposition and conjunction (e.g., the sun will be directly behind earth and in line with Mars), so it will be fully illuminated - no crescents to deal with.

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This years top cute pet pictures ... take 1 ...

Wait ... you have a little spot right here ...

August 20th Humor Page