A guy goes on vacation to
the Holy Land with his wife and mother-in-law. The mother-in-law
They go to an undertaker
who explains that they can ship the body home but that it'll cost
over $5000, whereas they can bury her in the Holy Land for only
The guy says, "We'll ship her home." The
undertaker asks, "Are you sure? That's an awfully big expense and
we can do a very nice burial here."
The guy says, "Look, 2000 years ago they
buried a guy here and three days later he rose from the dead. I
just can't take that chance."
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Jokes About Marriage, My Little
An Royal Canadian Mounted
Police officer stopped to help a stranded rider standing beside a
stalled motorcycle in the mountains.
It was extremely cold, and the rider was
heavily dressed in a helmet, balaclava and snowmobile suit.
In a muffled voice, the rider told the
Mountie that the carburetor was frozen.
"Well, pee on it," the Mountie said.
"Can't," replied the rider.
The helpful Mountie unzipped his fly and
proceed to pee on the carburetor himself, and the bike soon fired
A few days later, the local department
received a thank you note from a father, grateful for the roadside
assistance his young daughter had received from the RCMP.
Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
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Darwin Award Nominees ...
- 1982, Texas | At the Amarillo
Fairgrounds, some buildings were in need of a coat of paint, so
local contractors were hired to do the job.
Between the buildings was an angled
alley with a culvert in the middle, designed to drain rainwater
away from the buildings. Because of the slope, the wheeled
painter scaffolding tended to roll downhill, so the painters
removed the wheels on the scaffolding. They were in the process
of moving the scaffolding next to a building, when the metal
structure met a transformer. The painters were killed.
The story made the headlines. The town
was abuzz with talk of the tragedy, how it had come to pass, and
whether the city was liable for damages. The city officials
decided they needed to conduct an investigation.
With much fanfare, they arrived at the
scene of the incident, prepared to personally recreate the
circumstances. Two officials grabbed the scaffolding in the
exact same location as the two painters, began to move the
scaffolding... and were promptly electrocuted.
- September 1990, Australia | Men seem to
have an affinity for large trucks. What else can explain the
actions of a 34-year-old thief who decided to take possession of
the engine of an old Bedford tip-truck?
The truck was parked outside a glass
recycling company in Alexandria. It generally takes three men to
lift an engine block of this size, but our enterprising pilferer
decided that the best way to remove the engine was from below,
rather than the conventional out-the-top- with-a-crane
He crawled under the cab and began to
loosen the bolts.
Suddenly the engine block broke loose
and landed on his face, killing him instantly. Police
ascertained that he had at least one accomplice, judging by the
pool of vomit found under a nearby bush.
An employee discovered his body early
the next morning. The manager said that the truck was about to
be scrapped. "If he had come and asked me for it, I would have
given it to him."
- January 2003, Virginia | Paul Powell is
not yet out of the gene pool but he will be soon, thanks to his
own efforts to enable prosecutors to prove a capital murder
charge against him. He had been tried and convicted of the
murder of a 16-year-old girl, but his conviction was overturned
by the State Appellate Court based on a lack of evidence that he
had robbed or raped the woman.
However, due process was not yet done
Thinking himself immune to further
consequences, Powell wrote a gloating confession and sent it to
the prosecutor's office. "Since the Virginia Supreme Court said
that I can't be charged with capital murder again, I figured I
would tell you the rest of what happened on January 29, 1999, to
show you how stupid y'all are." He went on to explain in graphic
detail exactly what had happened on the night he murdered the
But Powell did not have the last laugh.
He overlooked a catch. The Court had
only ruled that there was not enough evidence for the capital
murder conviction, leaving open the possibility of a retrial for
lesser charges, or for capital murder should new information
surface. The second time around, Powell's boastful letter gave
the prosecutors precisely the evidence they needed.
Powell's lawyer "portrayed his client as
a bright young man." Bright as a burned-out light bulb! Powell
was convicted of capital murder on January 15, 2003.
Bill, Narberth, Pa.
Copyright (c) 2003 www.DarwinAwards.com
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