Why cats are better then
- A cat matures as it grows older.
- Back hair on cats is cute.
- Cats comfort you when you are sick.
- When a cat sleeps all day it's natural,
- Unlike a man, a cat can fend for
- A cat is loyal.
- Cats actually think with their heads.
- "Meow" is never a lie.
- They'll both stand outside your door
and whine, but the cat will stop when it gets in.
- It's more amusing to watch a cat try
and deal with a piece of tape stuck on its paw than to watch a
man do anything.
- To buy a fancy dinner for a cat only
costs 35 cents.
- A cat's friend is less likely to be
- Cats can't show love without meaning
- Cats are always cute.
- It is legal in all states to neuter a
Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
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More Random thoughts on life ...
- I once had a rose named
after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue: "no good in a bed, but fine up
against a wall". (Eleanor Roosevelt)
- The secret of a good sermon is to have
a good beginning and a good ending and having the two as close
together as possible. (George Burns)
- Santa Claus has the right idea - visit
people only once a year. (Victor Borge)
- Be careful about reading health books.
You may die of a misprint. (Mark Twain)
- What would men be without women?
Scarce, sir, mightyscarce. (Mark Twain)
- By all means marry: If you get a good
wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a
- I was married by a judge. I should have
asked for a jury. (Groucho Marx)
- Whatever women do they must do twice as
well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not
difficult. (Charlotte Whitton)
- My wife has a slight impediment in her
speech - every now and then she stops to breathe. (Jimmy Durante)
- The male is a domestic animal which, if
treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most
things. (Jilly Cooper)
- I never hated a man enough to give his
diamonds back. (Zsa Zsa Gabor)
- Only Irish coffee provides in a single
glass all four essential food groups: Alcohol, caffeine, sugar
and fat. (Alex Levine)
- Don't go around saying the world owes
you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
- My luck is so bad that if I bought a
cemetery, people would stop dying. (Ed Furgol)
- Money can't buy you happiness, but it
does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. (Spike Milligan)
- What's the use of happiness? It can't
buy you money. (Henny Youngman)
- I am opposed to millionaires, but it
would be dangerous to offer me the position. (Mark Twain)
- Until I was thirteen, I thought my name
was 'shut up.' (Joe Namath)
- I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face
it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere. (George Burns)
- At my age flowers scare me. (George
- Youth would be an ideal state if it
came a little later in life. (Herbert Henry Asquith)
- The secret of staying young is to live
honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. (Lucille Ball)
- I don't feel old - I don't feel
anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. (Bob Hope)
- A woman drove me to drink - and I
hadn't even the courtesy to thank her. (W.C. Fields)
- I never drink water because of the
disgusting things that fish do in it. (W.C. Fields)
- It takes only one drink to get me
drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth
or the fourteenth. (George Burns)
- Some guy hit my fender the other day,
and I said unto him "Be fruitful and multiply." But not in those
words. (Woody Allen)
- If only God would give me some sign...a
clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss
bank. (Selections from the Allen Notebooks, New Yorker)
- Another good thing about being poor is
that when you are seventy your children will not have you
declared legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.
- If you want to make GOD Laugh, tell him
your future plans. (Woody Allen)
- Those are my principals, if you don't
like them...... I have others." (Groucho Marx)
- Last week I stated this woman was the
ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her
sister and now wish to withdraw that statement. (Mark Twain)
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Irving was just coming out of
anesthesia after a series of tests in the hospital ...
... and his wife, Sarah, was
sitting at his bedside. His eyes fluttered open, and he murmured,
Flattered, Sarah continued her vigil while
he drifted back to sleep. Later he woke up and said, "You're
What happened to 'beautiful'?" Sarah
"The drugs are wearing off," he replied.
Submitted by Don, Middleburg, Md.
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