An American, a Dutchman,
and a Frenchman are all in Saudi Arabia,
...sharing a smuggled crate of booze when,
all of a sudden, Saudi police rush in and arrest them. The mere
possession of alcohol is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so for
the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze,
they are all sentenced to death!
However, after many months and with the
help of very good lawyers, they are able to successfully appeal
their sentences down to life imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, it
was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the
extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after
receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip.
As they were preparing for their
punishment, the Sheikh announced: "It's my first wife's birthday
today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before
The Dutchman was first in line, he thought
for a while and then said "Please tie a pillow to my back."
This was done, but the pillow only lasted
10 lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment was
done he had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.
The Frenchman was next up. After watching
the Dutchman in horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to
my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before
the whip went through again and the Frenchman was soon led away
The American was the last one up, but
before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said:
"You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture
is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two
"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful
highness", the American replied. "In recognition of your kindness,
my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."
"Not only are you an honorable, handsome
and powerful man, you are also very brave". The Sheikh said with
an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire,
then so be it. "And your second wish, what is it to be?" the
The American replied: "Tie the Frenchman
to my back."
Submitted by Vicki, Downingtown, Pa.
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Advice to Women:
If you want someone who will bring you the
paper without first tearing it apart to remove the sports section,
buy a dog.
If you want someone willing to make a fool
of himself simply over the joy of seeing you, buy a dog.
If you want someone who will eat whatever
you put in front of him and never says its not quite as good as
his mother made it, buy a dog.
If you want someone always willing to go
out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want, buy a dog.
If you want someone to scare away
burglars, without a lethal weapon which terrifies you and
endangers the lives of your family and all the neighbors, buy a
If you want someone who will never touch
the remote, doesn't give a damn about football, and can sit next
to you as you watch romantic movies, buy a dog.
If you want someone who is content to get
up on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if
he snores, buy a dog.
If you want someone who never criticizes
what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin,
young or old, with breasts or without, who acts as if every word
you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves you
unconditionally, perpetually, buy a dog.
But, on the other hand, If you want
someone who will never come when you call, ignores you totally
when you come home, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over
you, runs around all night, only comes home to eat and sleep, and
acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his
happiness, Buy a cat.
(Any resemblance to a man is purely
Submitted by Dave, Bolder, Co.
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Some of your old favorites
have re-released their greatest hits...
...with new lyrics to accommodate their
- Herman's Hermits - "Mrs. Brown You've
Got a Lovely Walker"
- Paul Simon - "Fifty Ways to Lose Your
- Carly Simon - "You're So Varicose Vein"
- Roberta Flack - "The First Time Ever I
Forgot Your Face"
- Johnny Nash - "I Can't See Clearly Now"
- Nancy Sinatra - "These Boots Give Me
- ABBA - "Denture Queen"
- Leo Sayer - "You Make Me Feel Like
- Procol Harem - "A Whiter Shade of Hair"
- Credence Clearwater Revival - "Bad
- The Who - "Talkin' 'Bout My Medication"
Submitted by Debbie, Middletown, Md.
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About Aging, My Little
April 7th Humor Page