In a city park stood two
and the other male, both nude. These two statues faced each other
for many, many years.
Early one morning an angel appeared before
the statues and said, "The two of you have been truly exemplary
statues and have brought enjoyment to many people that have
visited the park over the years. I am hereby authorized by God to
give you the greatest wish that can be bestowed on you...
I grant you the gift of life ~ albeit as a
limited offer. You have 30 minutes to do whatever your hearts
And with that command, the two statues
came to life. They smiled at each other, slowly moved their limbs
about in wonderment, looked all around and then at their own
bodies and finally back at each other. Still smiling they then ran
to the nearby woods and dived behind a large bush.
The angel smiled to herself as she
listened to the giggling, bushes rustling and twigs snapping.
After fifteen minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes,
looking extremely satisfied and wearing nothing but even bigger
smiles than before.
Puzzled, the angel looked at her watch and
said to them, "You still have fifteen minutes. Wouldn't you like
The male statue looked at the female and
asked, "Do you want to do it again?"
"Oh, Yes!", the female statue replied.
"But this time YOU hold the pigeon down and 'I'll crap on it's
Submitted by Mike
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One day shortly after the birth of their
new baby, the mother had run some errands.
So the proud papa stayed home to watch his
wonderful new son.
Soon after the mother left, the baby
started to cry. The father did everything he could think of to do
but the baby wouldn't stop crying.
Finally, the dad got so worried he decided
to take the infant to the doctor. After the doctor listened to the
father all that he had one to get the baby to stop crying, the
doctor began to examine the baby's ears, chest and then down to
the diaper area.
When he undid the diaper, he found that
the diaper was indeed full.
"Here's the problem," the doctor said. "He
needs a change."
The father was very perplexed, "But the
diaper package says it is good for up to 10 lbs.!"
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It started out as just a
routine court appearance for Jimmy Sedan...
...until he was appointed a new lawyer. The
lawyer comforted his client with the soothing words "Ah, don't a
worry 'bout a thing, you goin' outta here flying!"
The judge reviewed Jimmy's case yet the
lawyer never argued his client's case. The shyster said: "Look,
for $230 more I can really help you out", Jimmy said: "Here ya go"
and the lawyer assured him: "Don't worry, we're a winnin' this
case, you're goin' outta here flying!"
A few days pass and the lawyer still
hadn't said anything on his client's behalf. What shocked everyone
was when the judge announced that Jimmy Sedan was to face the
electric chair for the murder of a next door neighbor. The lawyer
still remained silent. Jimmy faced the jury and the judge asked:
"Is there anything, Jimmy Sedan, you wish to say before I sentence
you to die in the electric chair?"
Sedan looked at his pokerfaced lawyer and
pleaded: "You told me not to worry. That the case was a piece of
cake. You kept saying I was goin' outta here flying!"
The lawyer looked puzzled and said: "Oh,
so sorry, my mistake, my native Japanese got the better of me...I
meant to say you're goin' outta here frying!"
Submitted by Jerry, Leesburg, Oh.
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