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A blond woman goes to watch a ventriloquist perform one day.

The ventriloquist tells an hour of sexist jokes and the woman tries to keep her anger to herself. The last straw occurs when the ventriloquist asks his dummy what he did Sunday.

The dummy tells him he spent the day in a chair on the front porch at home. The ventriloquist asks if he got some rest and the dummy says "No, a woman kept coming out of her house ever hour to check her mail box.

She got madder and madder until I couldn't take it any more, and so I yelled out to her that there is no mail delivery on Sunday."

The ventriloquist then asks the dummy "What did she say to that."

The dummy replies "She said, I know, but I just got a new computer and it keeps telling me that I've got mail"

At this point the blond in the audience blows up, jumps out of her seat and starts shouting that she has heard enough of this rubbish that is so degrading to women.

The ventriloquist starts to apologize to the angry woman and starts to explain that it's all in fun.

The blond woman gets mad and tells the ventriloquist to shut up and that he's next after she finishes with the little guy.

Submitted by John, Seattle, Wa.

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Ever wonder why full-length golf courses have 18 holes, and not 20, or 10 or an Even dozen?

Well during a discussion among the club's membership board at St. Andrews in 1858, one of the members pointed out that it takes exactly 18 shots to polish off a fifth of Scotch. By limiting himself to only one shot of Scotch per hole, the Scots figured a round of golf was finished when the Scotch ran out.

Other facts worth Knowing ...

  • During the 13th century, the word girl meant any young person, whether male or female.
  • The sewing machine was patented on July 17, 1790.
  • At the end of World War 1 the average price for a gallon of gasoline was 25 cents. Thirty years later the average price had risen only to 26 cents a gallon.
  • The largest desert in the world is on the continent of Antarctica. The yearly precipitation is only about 2 inches of snow for most of the continent.
  • The coldest temperature ever recorded on Earth was in Antarctica? It was a startlingly 128.6 degrees Fahrenheit below zero!
  • The worlds first general use electronic computer was completed in 1946. Called ENIAC, it contained about 18,000 vacuum tubes and measured around 8 feet tall and about 78 feet long!
  • The Pacific Ocean contains about 25,000 islands.
  • To protect their eyes from blowing sand, camels have three sets of eyelids.
  • By the time he was twelve years old, Daniel Boone was already an expert hunter and trapper.
  • If all the gold suspended in the earth's oceans was "mined", there would be enough for every person on earth to receive 9 pounds!

Submitted by Andy, Gettysburg, Pa.

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Bryan's Illusions - Take 3


Submitted by Bryan, Idaho Falls, Idaho

Back to August 30 Humor Page