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Pat and Mike came to this country together some years ago.

They married sisters and have lived in the same block, and visited the same bar together all this time. Pat becomes ill, and is taken to the hospital, where he is visited by Mike. who upon entering the room remarks how good Pat looks. Pat is having none of that and tells Mike that he is sure that he, Pat is dying and will not last much longer.

Pat then asks if Mike he will do one last thing for him when he "is dead and gone" Mike agrees.

Pat sys, "when I'm gone and buried, and the priest has had his say, will you take a wee shot of Dugans Dew, which we've drunk together since coming over from the old country, and pore it over me grave stone so I can quench me thurst in me trials and tribulations.

Mike, taken back. gives his friend a long, loving look and says; "Pat t'is the least I can do as close as we've been, but I've just one question.

Pat, with a weakening voice; "Oh, I knew there would be one!"

Mike; "do you mind if I pass it through me kidneys first?"

Submitted by Vicki, Downingtown. Pa.

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Ways to annoy your "politically correct" friends: (part 2)
  • Express profound admiration for Richard Nixon.
  • Wear fur.
  • Attend boxing matches.
  • Refer to an adult woman as a "girl."
  • Take every possible tax deduction....and then some.
  • Contribute money to the Jessie Helms Senatorial Campaign
  • Argue that the poor are undertaxed.
  • Recommend deportation to Cuba as a solution to "The Homeless Problem."
  • Say you were just kidding. Then recommend work camps instead.
  • Watch Fox News.
  • Harm liberal actors in the making of your movie.
  • Listen to Dr. Laura.
  • Interject the remark, "Janet is sure a funny name for a guy."
  • Drill for oil in your back yard.
  • Give away Ann Coulter's new book, "Slander," to friends as Christmas presents.
  • Recite the Constitution
  • Send pages of the Bible in the self-addressed stamped envelopes received in junk mail.
  • Support Ron Paul
  • Support Bush
  • State that the Stock Markets will crash to 1965 levels.
  • Pay off a Jesse Jackson shakedown settlement with copies of Adam Smith's Wealth of Nations.
  • Advocate "nucular" energy!
  • Use the word niggardly in a sentence.
  • Call your secretary Honey and tell her she looks great.
  • Open doors for your wife, and pull out her chair.
  • Call your Mexican friends Mexicans.
  • State: "Old-Growth Redwood logs impart a resinous taste to the more delicately-flavored Endangered Species Kebabs (e.g. Spotted Owl). For this reason I prefer to use Tropical Hardwood briquettes."
  • Insist that pot smokers really are stupid.
  • Wear a T shirt that has a mushroom cloud and the words , "Made in USA, tested in Japan."
  • Tell them Roosevelt was a Russian traitor
  • Insist deviled eggs come from evil chickens

Submitted by Bill, Narberth, Pa.

Read Part 1

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A picture is worth a thousand words ...

Submitted by Ericka, Emmitsburg, Md.

Oct 21 Humor Page