As I was trying to pack for vacation, my 3-year-old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the
At one point, she said, Dad, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers.
Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her fingers in my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your
fingers!" pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again.
When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face. I said,
"What's wrong honey?"
She replied, "What happened to my booger?"
Submitted by Bill, Narberth, Pa.
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Sayings, My Little
- Smart man + smart woman = romance
- Smart man + dumb woman = affair
- Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
- Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
- Smart boss + smart employee = profit
- Smart boss + dumb employee = production
- Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
- Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
- A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
- A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
General Equations & Statistics
- A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband
- A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
- A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
- A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
- To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
- To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
- Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
- Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
Propensity to Change
- A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
- A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
- A woman has the last word in any argument.
- Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
- There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman before marriage and after marriage.
Submitted by Marianne, Columbia, MD.
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Jokes About Marriage, My Little
How many men does it take to open a beer? ...
- ... None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
- Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine
will probably never be able to support you.
- Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer
to the kitchen sink.
- How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told
- How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
- Why do men break wind more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure..
- In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since
then, neither God nor Man has rested.
- Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
- A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, "I haven't eaten anything for days."
She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."
- Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries
her?" Dad: That happens in every country, son.
- A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They
all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Submitted by Mike, Broomfield, Co.
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Nov 4 Humor Page