Humor Additions for Wednesday, Nov 13

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Things to do at Wal-Mart while your spouse is taking their sweet time:

  1. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
  2. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.
  3. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10."
  4. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
  5. Put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
  6. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
  7. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
  8. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
  9. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
  10. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with Pokemon vs. the X-Men.
  11. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
  12. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
  13. Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms.
  14. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."
  15. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
  16. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
  17. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "pick me! pick me!!"
  18. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume "It's those voices again!"
  19. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
  20. Go into the dressing room and yell real loud, "Hey, we're out of toilet paper in here!"

Hope ya'll have fun Christmas shopping this year!!

Submitted by Bill, Narberth, Pa.

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One day a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.

Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted back to his wife, "What setting do I set the washing machine on?" ...

"It depends," She replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "Atlanta Braves."...

Submitted by Patty, Essex, NJ.

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In my next life .... I wanna be a female bear

If you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too.

If you're a bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.

If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them, too. I could deal with that.

If you're a bear, your mate expects you to wake up growling. He expects that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

Yup..... I wanna be a bear.

Submitted by Barb, Unionville, PA.

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