Humor Additions for Wednesday, March 6

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The old Cherokee chief sat in his reservation hut smoking the ceremonial pipe . . .

. . . eyeing the two US government officials sent to interview him.

"Chief Two Eagles," one official began, "you have observed the white man for many generations, you have seen his wars and his products, you have seen all his progress, and all his problems."

The chief nodded.

The official continued, "Considering recent events, in your opinion, where has the white man gone wrong?"

The chief stared at the government officials for over a minute, and then calmly replied. "When white man found the land, Indians were running it. No taxes. No debt. Plenty buffalo. Women did most of the work. Medicine man free. Indian men hunted and fished all the time"

The chief smiled, and added quietly, "White man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."

Submitted by Marianne, Columbia, Md.

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One liners to make hump day go a little faster . . .
  • I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
  • Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
  • Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.
  • Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing him again.
  • My reality check bounced.
  • On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
  • I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
  • You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
  • Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
  • Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
  • Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.
  • A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
  • Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
  • After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
  • You can go anywhere you want if you look serious.
  • Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
  • If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
  • When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
  • Following the rules will not get the job done.
  • When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
  • Only the mediocre are at their best all the time.
  • There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
  • Bring ideas in and entertain them royally, for one of them may be the king.
  • If at first you don't succeed...... skydiving isn't for you.

Submitted by Mike, Broomfield, Co.

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One liners only Women would appreciate . . .
  • Of course I don't look busy... I did it right the first time.
  • So many men, so few who can afford me.
  • God made us sisters, prozac made us friends.
  • Coffee, chocolate, men ... some things are just better rich.
  • Don't treat me any differently than you would the queen.
  • I'm out of estrogen and I have a gun. (Personal favorite ! !!!)
  • Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
  • Do not start with me. you will not win.
  • All stressed out and no one to choke.
  • I can be one of those bad things that happens to bad people.
  • How can I miss you if you won't go away?
  • Don't upset me! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

And my favorite!

  • If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

Submitted by Vicki, Kennett Square, Pa.

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