|You know you're living in the 00's when:
- You e-mail your buddy who works at the desk next to you.
- Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not have e-mail addresses.
- When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner.
- When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally insert a "9" to get an outside line.
- You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.
- Your company's welcome sign is attached with Velcro.
- Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.
- You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.
- Your biggest loss from a system crash was when you lost all of your best jokes.
- Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job.
- Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get long-service awards.
- Board members salaries are higher than all the Third World countries annual budgets combined.
- Interviewees, despite not having relevant knowledge or experience, terminate the interview when told of the starting salary.
- Free food left over from meetings is your staple diet.
- Your supervisor gets a brand-new state-of-the-art laptop with all the latest features, while you have time to go for lunch while yours boots up.
- Being sick is defined as you can't walk or you're in hospital.
- There's no money in the budget for the five permanent staff your department desperately needs, but they can afford four full-time management consultants
advising your boss's boss on strategy.
- Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with computers".
AND THE CLINCHERS ARE..
- You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling.
- As you read this list, you think about forwarding it to your "friends".
- It crosses your mind that your jokes group may have seen this list already, but you don't have time to check so you forward it anyway.
- You got this email from a friend that never talks to you anymore, except to send you jokes from the net.
- This email has 20 different disclaimer notes at the bottom, telling you that the information is confidential, but you forward anyway.
Submitted by Amanda, somewhere out there on the web
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My Little Sister's Jokes,
|A saleswoman is driving toward home in northern Arizona ...
... when she sees a Native American woman hitchhiking. Because the trip had been long and quiet, she stops the car and the Native American woman gets in.
After a bit of small talk, the Native American woman notices a brown bag on the front seat. "What's in the bag?", she asks.
It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband", says the saleswoman.
The Native American woman is silent for a while and then says, "Good trade."
Submitted by Lisa, Libertytown, Md.
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My Little Sister's Jokes,
|This month's entries for this year's best one line groaners ...
- The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
- Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
- I live in my own little world. But it's OK...they know me here.
- I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just standing up really fast.
- Sign In Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."
- Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
- I got a sweater for Christmas... I wanted a screamer or a moaner.
- If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
- I don't approve of political jokes ... I've seen too many of them get elected.
- The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
- If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys. But if it deals you a truckload of hand grenades...now THAT'S a
- I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Shopping tip: You can get shoes for $1.50 cents at the bowling alley.
- I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.
- I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been giving me lately!
- Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
- Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.
- If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
- How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
- Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
- The next time you feel like complaining remember: Your garbage disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world.
- Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
Submitted by Wink, the Bronx, NY
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Little Sister's Jokes,
|It was early one morning when the Pastor heard a noise outside his door.
When he opened it, he found a donkey standing outside, which immediately fell over dead. Not exactly knowing what to
do about the situation, he called the local sheriff and told him about what was laying before him.
The sheriff couldn't resist jabbing at the Minister and said, "Pastor, I thought the first duty of the Minister was to bury the dead."
Without hesitation, the Pastor said, "No, the first duty of the Minister is to notify the next of kin."
Submitted by Andy, Gettysburg, PA.
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Little Sister's Jokes,
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