Humor Additions for Wednesday, March 20

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A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial . .  

- a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney was also surprised and shocked. At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench.

In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt.

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Many of you are aware that a few weeks ago, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled . . .

. . . that the state of Missouri cannot discriminate against the Ku Klux Klan when it comes to groups that want to participate in the adopt-a-highway program.

While seeing the name of the Klan on a highway sign is aesthetically disgusting, most realized that this decision was a victory for free speech and equal protection under the law.

Well, the Department of Transportation in Missouri has gotten its legal revenge, and boy is it sweet. True, they can't remove the KKK's adopt-a-highway sign, but no one would dispute the state's right to name the highway itself.

The KKK is now regularly cleaning up a stretch of the newly christened "Rosa Parks Freeway"

Submitted by Mike, Broomfield, Co.

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For a couple years now I've been blaming it on lack of sleep . . .

. . . and too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked!

  • The population of this country is 237 million people.
  • 104 million people are retired.
  • That leaves 133 million people to do the work.
  • There are 85 million people in school, which leaves 48 million people to do the work.
  • Of this there are 29 million people employed by the federal government.
  • Leaving 19 million people to do the work.2.8 million people are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million people to do the work.
  • Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million people to do the work.
  • At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 people to do the work.
  • Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
  • That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me.

And you are sitting at your computer reading jokes...

Submitted by Wink, The Bronx, NY.

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Back to March 18 Humor Page