|Culture Differences between Aussies, Canadians, Americans, and Brits
On National Pride:
- Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.
- Canadians Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad
- Americans Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.
- Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.
On Helping Other Nations:
- Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates.
- Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.
- Americans: Believe that people should look out for & take care of themselves.
- Canadians: Believe that that's the government's job.
On their national Anthem:
- Aussies: Are extremely patriotic to their beer.
- Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness.
- Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered to sing them.
- Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem.
- Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box.
- Canadians: Don't, but only because they can't get more American channels.
- Brits: Pay a tax just so they can watch four channels.
- Aussies: Export all their crappy programs, which no-one there watches, to Britain, where everybody loves them.
- Americans: Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball, and basketball.
- Brits: Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer, and rugby.
- Canadians: Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey, hockey, and how they beat the Americans twice, playing baseball.
- Aussies: Will jabber on incessantly about how they beat the Poms in every sport they play them in.
On the English Language:
- Americans: Spell words differently, but still call it "English".
- Brits: Pronounce their words differently, but still call it "English".
- Canadians: Spell like the Brits, pronounce like Americans.
- Aussies: Add "G'day", "mate" and a heavy accent to everything they say.
- Brits: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island
- Aussies: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
- Americans: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country.
- Canadians: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country.
- Americans: Drink weak, pissy-tasting beer.
- Canadians: Drink strong, pissy-tasting beer.
- Brits: Drink warm, beery-tasting piss.
- Aussies: Drink anything with alcohol in it.
On Helping Others in Need
- Americans: Seem to think that poverty & failure are morally suspect.
- Canadians: Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect.
- Brits: Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success and failure are inherited things.
- Aussies: Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers.
Submitted by Vicki, Kennet Square, Pa.
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My Little Sister's Jokes,
|A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day.
The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, "You do God's work. It's for free."
The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at his shop.
A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to charge him saying, "You protect the public. It's for free."
The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at his shop.
A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, "You serve the justice system. It's for free."
The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut
Submitted by Mike, Broomfield, Co.
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My Little Sister's Jokes,
|There was this little girl sitting by herself in the park.
Everyone passed by her and never stopped to see why she looked so sad.
Dressed in a worn pink dress, barefoot and dirty, the girl just sat and watched the people go by. She never tried to speak. She never said a word.
Many people passed by her, but no one would stop. The next day I decided to go back to the park in curiosity to see if the little girl would still be there.
Yes, she was there, right in the very spot where she was yesterday, and still with the same sad look in her eyes.
Today I was to make my own move and walk over to the little girl. For as we all know, a park full of strange people is not a place for young children to play
As I got closer I could see the back of the little girl's dress was grotesquely shaped. I figured that was the reason people just passed by and made no effort
to speak to her. Deformities are a low blow to our society and, heaven forbid if you make a step toward assisting someone who is different.
As I got closer, the little girl lowered her eyes slightly to avoid my intent stare. As I approached her, I could see the shape of her back more clearly. She
was grotesquely shaped in a humped over form. I smiled to let her know it was OK; I was there to help, to talk. I sat down beside her and opened with a simple, "Hello."
The little girl acted shocked, and stammered a "hi," after a long stare into my eyes. I smiled and she shyly smiled back. We talked until darkness fell and the
park was completely empty. I asked the girl why she was so sad.
The little girl looked at me with a sad face said, "Because, I'm different."
I immediately said, "That you are!" and smiled.
The little girl acted even sadder and said, "I know."
"Little girl," I said, "you remind me of an angel, sweet and innocent."
She looked at me and smiled, then slowly she got to her feet and said, "Really?"
"Yes, you're like a little Guardian Angel sent to watch over all those people walking by."
She nodded her head yes, and smiled.
With that she opened the back of her pink dress and allowed her wings to spread, then she said "I am. I'm your Guardian Angel" with a twinkle in her eye.
I was speechless -- sure I was seeing things.
She said, "For once you thought of someone other than yourself. My job here is done."
I got to my feet and said, "Wait, why did no one stop to help an angel?"
She looked at me, smiled, and said, "You're the only one that could see me" and then she was gone.
And with that, my life was changed dramatically. So, when you think you're all you have, remember, your angel is always watching over you.
Submitted by Marion, Havertown, Pa.
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