A little child in
church for the first time watched as the ushers passed the
- . . . When they neared
the pew where he sat, the youngster piped up so that everyone
could hear: "Don't pay for me Daddy, I'm under
- A little boy was attending his
first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him,
"How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed
that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know
that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All
you have to do is add it up, like the preacher said: '4
better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer'."
- After a church service on
Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother,
"Mom, I've decided to become a minister when I grow
up." "That's okay with us, but what made you decide
that?" "Well," said the little boy, I have to
go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more
fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen."
- A 6-year-old was overheard
reciting the Lord's Prayer at a church service: And forgive us
our trash passes, as we forgive those who passed trash against
- A boy was watching his father,
a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you know what to
say?" he asked. "Why, God tells me." "Oh,
then why do you keep crossing things out?"
- A little girl became restless
as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she
leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we
give him the money now, will he let us go?"
- After the dedication of his
baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home
in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times
what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That preacher
said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want
to stay with you guys!"
- Terri asked her Sunday School
class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. She
was puzzled by Kyle's picture, which showed four people on an
airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to
represent. "The flight to Egypt," said Kyle. "I
see ... And that must be Mary, Joseph, And Baby Jesus,"
Ms. Terri said. "But who's the fourth person?"
"Oh, that's Pontius - the Pilot.
- The Sunday School Teacher
asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly, do you say prayers
before eating?" "No sir," little Johnny
replies, "I don't have to. My Mom is a good cook."
- A college drama group
presented a play in which one character would stand on a trap
door and announce, "I descend into hell!" A
stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would
open, and the character would plunge through. The play was
well received. When the actor playing the part became ill,
another actor who was quite overweight took his place. When
the new actor announced, "I descend into hell!" the
stagehand pulled the rope, and the actor began his plunge, but
became hopelessly stuck. No amount of tugging on the rope
could make him descend. One student in the balcony jumped up
and yelled: "Hallelujah! Hell is full!"
- Pastor Dave Charlton tells us,
"After a worship service at First Baptist Church in
Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with a fidgety seven-year-old
boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be
quiet. About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and
whispered, 'If you don't be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to
lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over
again!' It worked."
- A little girl was sitting on
her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story. From
time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach
up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking
her own cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up,
"Grandpa, did God make you?" "Yes,
sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time
ago." "Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God
make me too?" "Yes, indeed, honey," he said,
"God made you just a little while ago." Feeling
their respective faces again, she observed, "God's
getting better at it, isn't he?"
Submitted by Andy,
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Sayings, My Little
vagabond in England, exhausted and famished, came to a roadside
Inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon."
The Innkeepers wife stuck her
head out a window.
"Could ye spare some
The woman glanced at his shabby,
dirty clothes. "No!" she shouted.
"Could I have a pint of
"No!" she shouted.
"Could I at least use your
"No!" she shouted
The vagabond said, "Might I
"What now?" the woman
screeched, not allowing him to finish.
"Dye suppose," he
asked, "that I might have a word with George?"
Submitted by our friends at
Bethany Lutheran Church, Austin, Tx.
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A letter from
Grandma . . .
I have become a little older
since I saw you last, and a few changes have come into my life
since then. Frankly, I have become a frivolous old gal.
I am seeing five gentlemen
everyday. As soon as I wake up, Will Power helps me get out of
bed. Then I go to see John. Then Charlie Horse comes along, and
when he is here he takes a lot of my time and attention. When he
leaves, Arthur Ritis shows up and stays the rest of the day. He
doesn't like to stay in one place very long, so he takes me from
joint to joint. After such a busy day, I'm really tired and glad
to go to bed with Ben Gay. What a life.
Oh yes, I'm also flirting with Al
P.S. The preacher came to call
the other day. He said at my age I should be thinking of the
hereafter. I told him, "Oh I do it all the time. No matter
where I am, in the parlor, upstairs, in the kitchen, or down in
the basement, I ask myself, "Now, what am I here after?"
Submitted by Stan,
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About Aging, My Little
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