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Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. 

The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, the fourth was a Government Worker.

To show off, the Engineer called to his cat, "T-square, do your stuff." T-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.

Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff." Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each.

Everyone agreed that was good.

But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop.

Everyone agreed that was good.

Then the three men turned to the Government Worker and said, "What can your cat do?". The Government Worker called to his cat and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff." Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, pooped on the paper, pounced on the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Worker's Compensation and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.

Submitted by Mike, Broomfield, Co.

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Someone out there either has far too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.
  • George Bush: When you rearrange the letters: He bugs Gore
  • Dormitory: When you rearrange the letters: Dirty Room
  • Evangelist: When you rearrange the letters: Evil's Agent
  • Desperation: When you rearrange the letters: A Rope Ends It
  • The Morse Code: When you rearrange the letters: Here Come Dots
  • Slot Machines: When you rearrange the letters: Cash Lost in em
  • Animosity: When you rearrange the letters: Is No Amity
  • Mother-in-law: When you rearrange the letters: Woman Hitler
  • Snooze Alarms: When you rearrange the letters: Alas! No More Z's
  • A Decimal Point: When you rearrange the letters: I'm a Dot in Place
  • The Earthquakes: When you rearrange the letters: That Queer Shake
  • Eleven plus two: When you rearrange the letters: Twelve plus one

Submitted by Bill, Narberth, Pa

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There's a woman who lives by a three-word philosophy: "Seize the moment."

Just possibly, she may be the wisest woman on this planet. Too many people put off something that brings them joy just because they haven't thought about it, don't have it on their schedule, didn't know it was coming or are too rigid to depart from their routine.

I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night in an effort to cut back. From then on, I've tried to be a little more flexible. How many women out there will eat at home because their husband didn't suggest going out to dinner until after something had been thawed? Does the word "refrigeration" mean nothing to you? How often have your kids dropped in to talk and sat in silence while you watched Jeopardy! on television?

I cannot count the times I called my sister and said, "How about going to

lunch in a half hour?" She would gasp and stammer, "I can't. I have clothes on the line. My hair is dirty. I wish I had known yesterday, I had a late breakfast, It looks like rain." And my personal favorite: "It's Monday." She died a few years ago. We never did have lunch together.

Because Americans cram so much into their lives, we tend to schedule our headaches. We live on a sparse diet of promises we make to ourselves when all the conditions are perfect. We'll go back and visit the grandparents when we get Steven toilet-trained. We'll entertain-when we replace the living-room carpet. We'll go on a second honeymoon when we get two more kids out of college.

Life has a way of accelerating as we get older. The days get shorter, and the list of promises to ourselves gets longer.

One morning, we awaken, and all we have to show for our lives is a litany of "I'm going to," "I plan on" and "Someday, when things are settled down a bit." When anyone calls my 'seize the moment' friend, she is open to adventure and available for trips. She keeps an open mind on new ideas. Her enthusiasm for life is contagious. You talk with her for five minutes, and you're ready to trade your bad feet for a pair of Roller blades and skip an elevator for a bungee cord.

My lips have not touched ice cream in 10 years. I love ice cream. It's just that I might as well apply it directly to my hips with a spatula and eliminate the digestive process. The other day, I stopped the car and bought a triple-Decker. If my car had hit an iceberg on the way home, I would have died happy.

Now...go on and have a nice day. Do something you WANT to......not something on your SHOULD DO list. If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say?

And why are you waiting? Make sure you read this to the end; you will

understand why I sent this to you. Have you ever watched kids playing on a merry go round or listened to the rain lapping on the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight or gazed at the sun into the fading night? You better slow down. Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last. Do you run through each day on the fly? When you ask "How are you?" Do you hear the reply? When the day is done, Do you lie in your bed with the next hundred chores running through your head?

Ever told your child, We'll do it tomorrow And in your haste, not see his sorrow? Ever lost touch? Let a good friendship die? Just call to say "Hi"?

You'd better slow down. Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere, you miss half the fun of getting there. When you worry and hurry through your day, It is like an unopened gift....Thrown away.

Life is not a race. Take it slower. Hear the music before the song is over.

Submitted by Andy, Gettysburg, PA.

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