Humor Additions for Monday, June 10

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A man walks into an antique store and starts looking around.

Suddenly, he gazes upon the most beautiful bronze statue of a Siamese cat. He asks the store owner how much he wants for the statue. The store owner replies "It's $100 for the statue and $1000 for the story that goes with it." The man replies "I really don't care about the story, but I do want the statue. As the man is paying for the statue, the shop owner says "All right, but I guarantee you will be back for the story."

The man walks out of the shop and starts down the street carrying the cat statue. When he comes to the crosswalk, he happens to glance behind him and sees 3 or 4 cats sitting about 10 feet away, looking at him. He shrugs it off and crosses when the light changes. He goes several more blocks and, at another crosswalk, looks behind himself again. This time there are about 30 cats sitting there looking at him. The man starts to get a little nervous and picks up his pace when the light changes.

By the time the man reaches the pier at the end of the street, he has now been running for several blocks. He was running because every time he turned around, there were more and more cats behind him. He looked like the pied piper. When he got to the end of the pier, he turned around once more and saw at least 10,000 cats sitting there looking at him. There were so many cats that there was no way to get off the pier without going through them and he knew there was no way he was going to do that. In a panic, he turned toward the water and heaved the statue as far as he could. Amazingly, all of the cats ran right past him and jumped in the water after the statue and drowned.

The man, still shaking from his ordeal, immediately started running back to the shop. As he burst through the door, the shop owner saw him and said "I told you that you would be back for the story." The man replied "The hell with the story, do you have a statue of a lawyer!"

Submitted by Boog, Richland, Wa.

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A woman was sitting in a restaurant enjoying an after work ...

... cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy young man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him.

The young man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. Before she could offer her apologies for so rudely staring, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20---on one condition."

Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The young man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."

The woman considered his proposition for a moment, then slowly removed from her purse a $20 bill, which she pressed into the young man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly, meaningfully said......

"Clean my house."

Submitted By Pat, Blue Lake, Va.

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This Month's Addition of Totally Useless Facts
  • Coca-Cola was originally green.
  • Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.
  • Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
  • The state with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
  • The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...).
  • The percentage of the remainder of North America that is wilderness: 38%
  • The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400
  • The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000
  • Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
  • The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.
  • The youngest pope was 11 years old.
  • The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.
  • Those San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
  • Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades - King David, Hearts - Charlemagne, Clubs - Alexander the Great, Diamonds - Julius Caesar
  • Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
  • "I am." ..(or "I do.") the shortest complete sentences in the English language.
  • Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.
  • No NFL team which plays its home games in a domed stadium has ever won a Super bowl.
  • The only two days of the year in which there are no professional Sports games (MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL): the day before and the day after the Major League  Baseball All-Star Game.

Submitted by Sister Wink, The Bronx, NY.

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