Humor Additions for Wednesday, January 23

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Jay and his blonde wife live in Chicago.

One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 3 to 4 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."

Jay's wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 4 to 5 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."

Jay's wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park...", then the electric power goes out.

Jay's wife says, "Honey, I don't know what to do."

Jay says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"

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Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. 

When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven ... don't step on the ducks." So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place.

It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck, and along come St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same punishment as the first woman. 

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, tan, muscular, and with good hair. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The woman remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?" And the guy says, "Well, I don't know what you did, but I stepped on a duck."

Submitted by Maryann, Columbia, Md.

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20 signs your dressage test need work . . .
  1. Under judges remarks she writes only: "Nice braid job."
  2. Horse confuses dressage arena rail for a cavaletti; exits at K.
  3. Your circles shape reminds the judge that he should pick up eggs on the way home.
  4. Your serpentine was perfect, except that it was supposed to be a straight centerline.
  5. Sitting trot has caused some fillings to be loosened in lower molars.
  6. Your horse believes "free walk" means leaving the arena and heading towards the nearest patch of grass.
  7. Your working trot had you working harder then your horse.
  8. In your salute, your inadvertently use your whip hand causing your horse to perform airs above the ground.
  9. Your walk seems to be more "rare" than "medium."
  10. Impulsion improves only after the horse sees monsters in the decorative shrubbery near letters.
  11. Your horse's response to the canter aid is "Can't, er, what?"
  12. Your twenty meter circle involved jumping the rail twice.
  13. Your halt took place in the judge's lap, instead of at X.
  14. Your thoroughbred interpreted elasticity to involve trying to kick himself in the head with his back feet during the working canter.
  15. Your horse entered the arena at A, and M, and H, and B...
  16. Judge's comments include words like "unusual, dramatic, explosive, and tragic"
  17. Leg-yields involve your leg yielding before the horse does.
  18. Free walk was interpreted by your Arab to involve prancing, a rear, and a few bucks.
  19. The judge asks you take the broken letters with you when you leave.
  20. Voodoo dolls of your horse were found in the possession of the show's grounds manager.

Submitted by Natalie, Onley, Md.

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